TRUELAD Outrageous real life tales of booze, babes & footie
MY mum always asks me if I’m OK when she walks past the toilet. I asked her why and she said that it’s because of the unbelievable amount of time I spend in there. She even asked if I needed to go to the doctors!
Better Rip I tOff Quicker LAD WHENEVER I buy a litre bottle of water from my local shop, I have two options: Buxton for 86p or Evian for 81p. I always pay the extra 5p for Buxton – because there’s no way I’m giving my cash to the french.
Nelson Would Be Proud LAD LIFELONG Feyenoord fan Rooie Marck was told he had terminal cancer and had days to live – his dying wish was to see Feyenoord again. So his friends took him to a training session with a difference – a huge crowd chanted his name, lit flares and unleashed a huge banner of him. In floods of tears, Rooie met his heroes before being helped to meet the crowd, who were singing You’ll Never Walk Alone. He sadly died just three days later. No words can describe this.
Feyenoord LADs
GOT caught slammin’ the salami this morning by the window cleaner. First reaction was obviously to roll onto my front and play dead. Unfortunately there was still some MILF getting destroyed on the laptop screen, in clear view from the window.
Think I Got Away With It LAD IT’S mine and my girlfriend’s ( 7/ 10) second anniversary coming up and to honour it I’d like to reveal I initially pulled her wearing a Pussay Patrol T- shirt and a pair of wellies.
Still Knee Deep In Clunge LAD WHEN me and the missus ( 8/ 10) lived with her parents I accidentally walked in on her mum ( 6/ 10) as she stepped out of the shower. Before you ask, no I didn’t shag her. But it was just really, really awkward.
Very Uncomfortable Feeling LAD SAT in the pub with my mate waiting for the rest of the LADpack to arrive. For a bit of context it was ridiculously hot and races day so lots of decent girls out in summer
– the home dresses. Anyway we’re just sat drinking when we see a group of lasses walking past, one had a 5/ 10 face but her TITS! Honestly they were so big and round and beautiful my mate actually stood up and applauded her as she walked past confused as f***.
Appreciative LAD
WAS just watching some harmless horse racing on TV, when the presenter asked what one of the horse’s names meant. The other explained that ‘ hermosa vaquera’ means ‘ beautiful cowgirl’ and said, “You get some interesting images if you Google that!” So I proceeded to do that, and found several images of 8/ 10 Spanish cowgirls with their tits out writhing about. Had a w* nk there and then.
Loves The GeeGees LAD BEEN going to the local gym for nearly three years now, and had to watch 3/ 10’s shift their weight around. Until today when a solid 9/ 10 joined. Her 8/ 10 mum also happens to be the gym’s masseuse.
Gym Will Fix It LAD TO the littleLAD in the supermarket earlier who grabbed two large watermelons, held them in front of his chest and went on to shout to anyone who would listen, “I’ve got big watermelons ’ cos I love watermelons.”
Twistin ’My Melon LAD
JUST got back from a surfing trip with the LADs. Didn’t see a single fit bird all week, until 5am on the last day. Five minutes before our taxi was due to arrive, a group of 6- 8/ 10s arrived on the beach and went skinny dipping!
Gutted LAD
I TOLD a girl I was very familiar with this book she loves ( never read it in my life). So I trawled the net to find that some LAD had written a single page review of it. She was thrilled that I ‘ knew’ all the key facts and we ended up dating!
Cheers Mr Literary Reviewer LAD
THE first time I ever saw porn I was playing down the park when I was a littleLAD and I found a few screwed up bits of a jazz mag in a bush when I went off for a piss. I took them home and hid them in my sock drawer and I used to get them out at bedtime. I had them for ages and I used to tell all my mates at primary school about it.
How Times Have Changed LAD
PLEASE somebody reassure me that I’m not the only c** t in the world that has crashed a hire car pulling out of the hire car centre.
What A Bellend LAD
JUST found out a 6/ 10 and a 7/ 10 I used to go school with are now massively lezzing off with each other.
One For The W* nk Bank LAD
ANYONE else ever been getting all the signs from a bird then when you get back to hers she doesn’t want to know?
Confusing Species LAD
WENCH is away on holiday for the next two weeks and already I find myself with nothing to do except crack one off. I’m going to have a right arm the size of popeye.
If In Doubt Have A Tug LAD NIGHT out with the LADs and the usual beers are flowing. End up with them spinning me around on the dancefloor like I’m breakdancing. Somehow manage to pull a girl but the little general can’t get ready for battle. Can only pull when drunk but can’t shag when drunk.
Fingers and Cuddles LAD