I woke up tied to a park bench wearing only my fiancee’s thong

LEIGH BRADLEY, 29, FROM MORECAMBE

WAKING up the morning after my stag do, I wasn’t shocked to find myself tied to a bench wearing my fiancée’s skimpiest thong. You’ve got to expect some kind of forfeit when you’re about to get married, and I was just happy to be alive, alone and with my eyebrows fully intact! If I remember right, I had a bit of a chuckle to myself because I thought the lads had done a pretty decent job at stitching me up. They’d even slipped a bit of cash inside my shoe, so I wasn’t in a complete mess. ‘ How very kind of them,’ I thought. Apart from a fuzzy head, I didn’t feel too bad so I wriggled free and set off in search of a cab to the hotel. After a minute or two, I saw a young woman walking her dog – she was quite fit, so I gave her a little smile. “Bonjour,” she said, giving a quick ganders and giggling to herself. Without thinking, I returned the gesture. I eventually found the street and scoped it for a familiar landmark or sign. “Rue Royale,” it said on the street sign. My heart sank! All around me, I started hearing French voices. I reached into my shoe and pulled out the banknotes – euros! I was in France, or the middle of Calais to be precise – which would have been fine, apart from the fact that my stag do had been in London! The lads had given me just enough cash for my ferry fare home and a bite to eat, but I had to spend my dinner money on some clothes from a souvenir shop. I ended up wearing one of those naff ‘ I heart Calais’ t- shirts and a pair of shorts. Worse still, I had to hitch a ride to the ferry port with a smelly trucker. It took me hours to get to Dover, where the lads were waiting with big smiles. My best man is getting married this year. Revenge is going to be very sweet….