HE TAKES ALL THE WEEK’S NEWS & PULLS ITS PANTS DOWN
TEAM GB athletes are up in arms after their official kit is lost on a British Airways flight to Rio.
International Olympics Committee rule 427 paragraph B is stringent on this matter.
Any competitor without the correct kit will be required to perform in their pants and vest – apart from swimmers, who are permitted to rummage in lost property for some spare trunks. A SWISS businessman unveils plans for a so- called Fellatio Cafe in London, where customers can enjoy oral sex with their coffee. Over my dead body! That sort of thing might be acceptable abroad but here in Blighty we have certain traditions, thank you very much. Now, offer us a blowie with a nice cup of tea and you’re in business. Oh and can you ask her to give the bag an extra squeeze? A WEST Country beauty becomes the first ever British woman to be signed up as a professional cheerleader in America’s NFL.
Holly Warden, 25, is from Bristol – which seems appropriate considering cheerleader’s two most important assets.
It’s hard to believe she’s the first Brit to land a role for which the primary qualification is the ability to dress as a slut while watching some meatheads knock the stuffing out of each other.
That happens on my local High Street most nights. a WEST Bromwich Albion football club is bought by Chinese investors – just like their fierce local rivals Wolverhampton Wanderers. Apparently the Black Country derby is set to be re- named as The Black Bean Sauce Country derby. THE curtain is finally lifted on the 2016 Olympics in Rio de Janeiro.
In true Brazilian style, however, the curtain was immaculately shaved first.
Like the opening ceremony of London 2012, Rio’s night celebrated the industrial revolution and the health service.
By which I mean many of the guests required hospital treatment after being coshed by muggers with iron bars.
Such a vibrant city. CASH- strapped Northamptonshire County Council causes uproar for providing an adult education course which teaches you ‘ how to tie a scarf more effectively’. Whoever gave that the go ahead should be advised that the most ‘ effective’ way to tie their scarf would be any way they liked, as long as the other end was firmly attached to a high tree branch.