AGONY Page

THE WORLD FAMOUS

Dear Kelly,

ME and my missus support our local football team and go to every home game but that may have to change because I’m becoming embarrassed to be seen with her.

When we wed three years ago she had a lovely, trim body, great tits and a sensational appeitie for sex – demanding it four or five times a night. She also liked a good licking and went into fits of ecstasy when I got to work on her fanny with my tongue.

The wife couldn’t get enough of me and I couldn’t get enough of her either. But then she started to put on weight and she now tips the scales at 16 stone.

She still likes doggy- style sex but that’s the only way we can do it because I can’t get near her fanny if we try to do it any other way.

Now all the lads in the stand where we watch our team and who once used to wolf- whistle her, have started to chant “Who ate all the pies?” as she waddles back to her seat after half- time.

The mickey- taking is driving me crazy and I feel like punching their lights out. But what I’d really like is for our sex life to get back to where it was. Have you any suggestions how my once- slim missus can lose the lard?

WB, Lancs

Kelly says…

TELL her she needs to eat less lard and more of your man- meat! Dear Kelly, I’VE been masturbating on a regular basis since I was a teenager and I’m now 22.

Every time I see a photo of a topless model or a nice girl in a bar I get a boner and have to nip off for a quick w* nk.

But the thing is, I’m a virgin and have never shagged a woman in my life. Should I seek help or will I just grow out of this habit? FR, Essex

Kelly says…

TRY to get a willing young lady to give you a hand