I wasn’t shagging the dog . . . I was ‘doing a Heseltine’ PERV’S LAME EXCUSE WHEN CAUGHT BALLS-DEEP IN HOUND

WHEN oddball Barry Hatcher was caught by a neighbour balls- deep in his Old English Sheepdog, Sandra, the part of his brain that comes up with excuses went into OVERDRIVE.

And rather than confess his bestial crimes and await punishment, the 56- year- old singleton claimed he was merely THROTTLING the dog after it bit him.

He hurriedly explained that his trousers had fallen down in the melee and that his erect penis had “accidentally” slipped into Sandra. The neighbour – who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals – initially accepted Hatcher’s odd explanation.

But on further reflection he became dubious and called Sunday Sport, asking us to investigate.

When we contacted Hatcher at his home in Timperley, Greater Manchester, he stuck by his story, and said he did “no more” than ex Deputy Prime Minister Michael Heseltine.

Last week rabid Europhile Heseltine sparked a storm when he confessed to throttling his mother’s Alsatian dog after it bit him.

Although pro- Brussels Heseltine later backtracked and said he’d not actually killed the dog – it had a seizure and a vet put it down the next day – his actions were used as an excuse by clearly- guilty Hatcher.

When Sunday Sport confronted Hatcher, who injured his neck in a self- fellating accident last year, he said: “I was doing no more than that Michael Heseltine. The dog bit me and I was trying to kill it, but it backed onto my knob!”

We haveforwarded details of our investigation to the authorities. HOUND OF LOVE: Dog like Sandra