ON-THE-SPOT FINE FOR BUZZ LIGHTYEAR UP BUM FANS

Ministers crack down as NHS faces winter crisis

THIN END OF THE WEDGIE: The NHS is struggling to cope with huge number of patients with objects stuck up bums PROPOSAL: Health Sec Jeremy Hunt and ( left) toy of Buzz Lightyear TURNING up at A& E with foreign objects wedged up your ARSE could help CHARGED under controversial new proposals to solve the NHS crisis. The move comes as a leaked report detailed how casualty departments struggle under the pressure this winter. Record numbers of patients are facing long waits in A& Es as documents leaked to the BBC show the full extent of the winter crisis in the NHS in England. Under- pressure ministers have been ordered by PM Theresa May to examine “all options” to resolve the problem. It’s believed that Health Secretary Jeremy Hunt is “actively considering” the proposal to impose “modest charges” at those turning up at casualty with items wedged in their jacksie. Patients have sought help after getting anything from cheesy WOTSITS to BUZZ LIGHTYEAR dolls stuck in their lower middles. An NHS source told Sunday Sport: “A small charge may make folk think twice before shoving a household item up their arse just for sexual kicks. “Every day we get people heading to A& E with stuff up their bottoms when there are genuinely- sick folk out there. It’s not on.”

But Barney Glossop, director of Keep the Tories’ Hands Off Our NHS, raged: “This is a case of the hated Tories turning their backs on a fundamental principle of the NHS.

“If someone gets something stuck in their rectum, they are entitled to care that is free at the point of delivery.”

The leaked figures show nearly a quarter of patients waited longer than four hours in A& E last week.

Since the start of December, UK hospitals have seen only 82.3% of patients who went to an A& E within the four- hour target.