BOO BS ON THE BOX

BRITAIN’S ONLY NAKED TV GUIDE with SIMON DEAN

TODAY

ITV3, 10.30pm, The English Patient JULIETTE Binoche and Kristin Scott Thomas star, and the tit action begins at 20 mins. Horror Channel, 9pm, Twins of Evil THERE is nothing evil about the way these twins show off their boobs and beavers, which are out ( above) right from the start! Horror Channel, 10.45pm, The Devil’s Rejects ABSOLUTELY crammed to the rafters with boob and bush. And it also stars Ginger Lynn Allen – of porn movie fame.

MONDAY

Horror Channel, 12.50am, Virgin Witch SEE ’ Allo ’ Allo! waitress Vicki Michelle ( above) without her bra and panties! Film4, 11.05pm, American Reunion YET another outing for the American Pie mob and, as usual, there’s breasts on offer as Ali Cobrin does the honours, beginning at 42 mins. Movies4Men, 10.45pm, American Crude MISSI Pyle gets out of the bath at the three minute mark, revealing firm, wet breasts.

TUESDAY

ITV4, 10pm, Another 48 Hours PAGE Leong ( above) greets Eddie Murphy in the altogether at one hour one min, while Kitten Natividad whips ’ em out three minutes later. Horror Channel, 9pm, Antiviral A CLINIC specialises in infecting obsessive fans in this futuristic thriller. No nudity timings. Horror Channel, 11.05pm, Frankenhooker AS you can imagine, with a name like this, the film is rather fruity. And there’s a great lesbian romp at 36 minutes.

WEDNESDAY

BBC1, 11.45pm, What Doesn’t Kill You AMANDA Peet gives us a view of her right breasticle at the one hour two minute mark. C4, 1.30pm, Chocolat CHRISTIANNE Gadd gives us a brief look at her boobs at 38 mins. Horror Channel, 11.20pm, Blood Rage LISA Randall gets the lot out at 49 minutes in a lovely little shower scene. Splop! Film4, 11.35pm, Filth KATE Dickie ( above) will make your dickie point up at 13 minutes and 57 minutes.

THURSDAY

ITV2, 9pm, Get Him To The Greek IF you hate Russell Brand this may not be for you. But Meddy Ford has ’ em out at 26 mins. 5*, 9pm, Parker EMMA Booth shows her wonderful breasts at 20 and 54 mins in this Jason Statham vehicle. Sony Movie Channel, 11.55pm, The Bounty CRACKING movie, made even better by several South Seas beauties whipping their pert chesticles out ( above).

FRIDAY

C4, 12.05am, Basic Instinct ONE of the classic films of the one- handed watching genre. Sharon Stone’s minge flash at 27 minutes has to be the most- famous bit of minge in cinema history. ITV2, 9pm, The 40 Year Old Virgin LAURA Bottrell’s boobs swing into view ( above) at 21 minutes. Oh, to suckle on those beauties!