Two strokes of the cane & he came on the floor…it was the easiest £200 I’ve ever made

ALWAYS buy cornflakes packets to in twos so that you can use one top up the other one should the contents have settled in transit. D. Purnell Bristol ANOREXICS. When your knees become fatter than your legs, start eating cakes again. P. Loft Gateshead SAVE electricity the by turning off all lights in your house around wearing and walking a miner’s hat. D. Purvis Bolton RUN out of ice for party drinks? Frozen peas are an ideal replacement, and can always be washed and re- used afterwards. D. Purnell

Bristol WHY pay the earth for expensive jigsaws? Just take a bag of frozen chips from the freezer and try piecing together the potatoes. B. Reastford Ironville, Notts POLICEMEN. Why not walk up and down the street remarking to each other how the public are getting older every day. D. Tucker Chelmslow ANNOY traffic wardens their by knocking hats off. Mr I. Woods Bolton SAVE time when making a cup of tea by pre- heating water in a saucepan before putting it in the kettle. Susan Craven Leeds SAVE money on expensive tickets to ‘open air festivals’ this summer. Simply put up a tent in your own back garden, piss up the side of it and steal your own shoes. Simone Glover Tottenham N15 YOU never know what offers are going to come your way in this job, but when the latest one dropped into my email inbox I couldn’t resist.

I was invited to a fetish dungeon by the Madam who runs it and my interest was immediately piqued.

“We would love to have you working with us one evening – we’ll pay the going rate,” Madam Crystal wrote.

“It would be great to open the eyes of Sunday Sport readers to the world of fetish sex dungeons.”

My thoughts turned straight to Fifty Shades of Grey and the character’s infamous Red Room of Pain, and I couldn’t help but wonder whether the real thing was anything like I’d imagined.

After flagging the story up to my editor during our weekly news conference we agreed it was too good an opportunity to turn down.

Fetish

So, last Sunday I packed a bag with lingerie, make- up and my trusty notepad and pen and headed off to a private fetish cave in the Cheshire suburbs.

When I arrived I was shocked at how normal the house looked – from the outside it seemed just like any other detached house in the English suburbs.

I buzzed the intercom and told the woman my name and within minutes I was being ushered inside by a plainly dressed girl about the same age as me.

“I expected it all to be latex and fishnets,” I laughed as I stepped inside.

“Oh, just you wait…” she replied with a wink.

Crystal came up to meet me and asked if I’d mind getting changed into some lingerie and handed me a pair of PVC thigh high boots, corset and a black studded eye- mask to wear.

“Our clients expect the full fetish experience,” she told me. I gladly agreed.

Once I was dressed, Crystal took me down to the ‘ dungeon’.

I couldn’t believe how big it was. There was a four- poster bed, pet cage, bondage bench and two suspension harnesses, as well as a huge collection of whips, gags, floggers and hoods.

As I wandered around the dimly lit room I asked Crystal what an average session was like.

“It all depends on the client,” she told me. “Some of the guys want to be humiliated, whereas others really get a kick out of bondage, and we have clients who love using food or sex toys.

“We also hold monthly events for groups of people who are all into BDSM.”

I was really intrigued and to be honest I couldn’t wait for the guys to arrive so I could see first- hand what goes on behind the curtains of this middle class home.

Her first booking was a guy named Peter*, a regular visitor. His thing, I was told, was being ‘ punished’, so I jumped at the chance to get stuck in.

Crystal is a real pro and as soon as Peter turned up, the nice woman I’d been chatting to all morning vanished and never slipped out her dominatrix character for a second.

Groaned

COME AGAIN: Jane found BDSM place a real turn- on

I watched as she pushed Peter onto all fours over a red and black bondage bench and handcuffed his hands and feet.

“You’ve been a very bad boy,” she hissed at him, ‘ so you’ll get twice the punishment today’.

The whole thing really turned me on and I felt a bit of a twinge as Crystal handed me a black leather riding crop and told me to whip his bare bum.

As I landed the first blow I felt guilty for hurting this poor fella, but when he groaned in pleasure I got a kick too.

As I raised my crop a second time though, I saw Peter’s body shudder and watched as he blew his load all over the floor.

It was the easiest £ 200 I’ve ever made!

“Look what you’ve done,” Crystal scolded him, taking over. “You’ll pay for that!”

I left her to it and waited upstairs with her daughter, Mel, who helps run the business.

“We get all sorts of people – even women,” she told me.

“It’s a safe place where you can come and live out your naughtiest fantasies and then go back to your regular life.”

Crystal’s evening booking was a couple in their mid- 30s, who were really into BDSM and visited the dungeon at least once a month.

“We’ve got an audience today,” Crystal told them as she forced the woman’s legs apart and fastened her ankles into a spreader bar.

The guy looked like all his Christmases had come at once as Crystal tied his hands behind his back with rope, and I felt my knickers getting wet again as I caught his eye.

I’ve seen a lot in this job but watching Crystal dominate and tease this couple really got me hot and I lapped up every second of her act.

As she flogged and spanked them and told them what to do to each other, I found myself touching myself through my lace panties.

And as the couple orgasmed, I felt like I might cum too – the whole experience was like watching a private porn show!

If I am completely honest, when I arrived that morning I expected to find the whole thing a little bit seedy or uncomfortable.

But Crystal takes her job so seriously, and every client left with a beaming smile on their face.

And the men definitely left with emptied ball sacs.

BDSM isn’t something I’ve ever been into, but I definitely wouldn’t say no to going back to Crystal’s dungeon – either to work, or to play!

And I asked Crystal to let me know when her next event is!

* Not his real name