BRING ME THE BELLEND OF PAUL DANIELS ISIS boss reckons late telly star’s todger has magic superpowers
Lisa goes topless on beach to delight of her fans
ISLAMIC extremists are plotting to DIG UP the corpse of telly conjuror Paul Daniels – because they believe his magical BELLEND is the key to world domination.
ISIS chief, Abu Bakr al- Baghdadi, was said to be very impressed when watching a YouTube video of Paul in action during downtime in his Raqqa stronghold.
Martyrdom
CAN YOU DIG IT? Chief Abu Bakr al- Baghdadi’s call to arms
According to insiders, the Iraqi- born terrorist told pals: “If he can do that with a magic wand, imagine what we could do with his bellend?”
Now clandestine communications from the Middle East are encouraging militants in the UK to pick up shovels HERE’S former Big Brother star Lisa Appleton doing what she does best – falling out of her bikini!
The 46- year- old beauty was snapped cavorting on the beach in Benidorm, Spain, and her top was clearly not up to the job of keeping her MASSIVE boobs under control.
Unconcerned that her heavy melons were on show for all, Warrington- nobility Lisa rolled about in the sand like a woman possessed.
One onlooker said: “Jesus!” and dig up Daniels’ grave.
In a secret online message to followers decoded by the US National Security Agency, al- Baghdadi foamed: “Oh ye who seek martyrdom! Start your actions! Dig up Paul Daniels and deliver his bellend to me.
“With his magical bellend, we will turn the night of the disbelievers into day, totally decimate their territories, and make their blood flow like rivers.”
According to the warped ISIS creed, body parts of “powerful magicians” PICK A COCK… ANY COCK: Dead entertainer Paul hold supernatural powers – with the bellend being the most potent artefact.
ISIS are currently facing destruction after losing vast swathes of territory across Iraq, Syria and Afghanistan.
Experts have concluded a deluded belief in the mystical power of Paul Daniels’ bellend could be their last ditch attempt to regain control.
An MI6 source said: “ISIS top brass believe Daniels’ bellend is the answer to their problems. They think that harnessing the dark energy will give them control over all mankind.”
The source added: “To be honest, these guys have lost the plot.”