WIN A DATE WITH THIS BABE

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THE summer festival season is in full swing and that normally means a busy time for GUFF WINTERS and his sausage van.

Guff, who became famous after his vehicle featured in RUTLAND SHORE, normally rakes in a fortune knocking out bangers to revellers.

But this year his famed van will be absent – and the reason?

A job lot of cut- price, botulism- tainted Nepalese pork that’s led to Guff’s operation being closed down for the foreseeable. BAD news for THIS IS BIDDULPH fans – the show is being cancelled. But it’s not because of bad ratings. The Staffordshire-based show raked in BOING! TV’s highest-ever audience last year and made a star out of CECILY DUNKWORTH but a drunken argument at the wrap party for the most recent series has derailed everything. I’m told that director LARS TICKLE took off his shirt and bellowed: “Biddulph is a f**king dump”, which would have been bad enough but, even worse, it was in front of the MAYOR! IF you’re heading off for a holiday in the sun this summer, pray that KEN HARPER is not sitting next to you on the plane.

We’re only in June, but ROUGH LANDING star Ken has already been “escorted off” no fewer than SEVEN flights this year.

I’m told that, as usual, it’s Ken’s taste for furniture polish and Tizer that’s led to his unruliness. The latest episode apparently led to him dirtying his breeches. TROUBLE erupted on the set of THE REAL GINGERS OF RUTLAND when BUNTY CAROLGEES’ shocking secret was revealed. The daughter of hit 80s one hit wonder skiffle punk band WASHBOARD FUTURE DEATH MACHINE singer HUBERT CAROLGEES was revealed to be a secret blonde. She had been dyeing her hair for three years devastating her fella JAMES LEYLAND who I’m told had been planning to father a redhead master race with her. THERE was utter chaos behind the scenes of ONE OF THE WAYS IS ANTROBUS when leading badboy CYRIL FLANDERS was discovered to be a fake person! Instead of a 79- year old stud from Cheshire he was actually a 78- year- old from Staffordshire. As one of his many love interests from the show, PETRA WIPERS, 19, said: “I’d wouldn’t have touched him if I’d known he was from over the border.” Quite. …………………………………… …………………………………… …………………………………… …………………………………… Name………………………………………………… Address……………………………………………… ………………………………………………………… ………………………… Postcode…………………… Phone number……………………………………… Send this coupon to: Win a Date with Krystal, Sunday Sport, Floor 3, Maclaren House, Lancastrian Office Centre, Talbot Road, Old Trafford, Manchester, M32 OFP.