We’ve both had a festival shag …and there’s two days to go!
TOO HOT TO HANDLE 1 – PERKS LANDING hunk DAVID CHIPPENDALE tried to stay cool last week using a VERY unusual method.
The beefcake, who split from TIGHT HARLOT singer DAPHNE RIDDEN over that business at Whatcroft, took down his trousers and dangled his balls in some iced water.
It went down badly – as he was doing the prizegiving at his local primary school sports day at the time! TOO HOT TO HANDLE 2 – After guesting in the Aussie series BONDI BEACH BUM, ONWARDS BIDDULPH star JAKE FYST is more than wary of bushfires. But, as usual, he took things too far during last week’s heatwave by hammering on neighbours’ doors in his home village of Mow Cop and screaming “FIRE! FIRE!” Seven people were trampled in the stampede and it turned out that the “fire” was nothing more than a vicar cooking bangers on the BBQ for orphans. GORGEOUS POPPY FAGIN has not looked back after finding fame as “Lost Elsie” in the SKOOPS advert last Christmas.
Her latest wheeze is promoting a new brand of driving lager, which promises “One for the road… and the rest!”
But the controversial tipple has already been slammed by road safety campaigners and there’s talk of Poppy being blacklisted from further Skoops promos! THERE’S trouble in store for the cast of CLECKHEATON CREW, as breakout star LOULOU HONEYFEATHER has been sleeping with co-star TARQUIN de MONTEBARD-FRUTON without telling producers. Their secret affair has caused legal problems because they are actually brother and sister! Show makers are no wondering if they should bring the big reveal forward before the police get involved! CAN it be true that BACHBEAT’S viola player PAUL HAMPTON has been miming all this time?
Sources on the disco chamber music scene tell me he was chosen for his looks and had never even picked up a bow before he joined the platinum selling band.
And according to a close friend when his mic was accidentally plugged in at the recent Glossop Pride concert it sounded like, ‘ Someone ripping a cat’s balls out.’
This doesn’t bode well for their bid to break Canada! LEGENDARY British music festival Glastonbury wraps up tonight after five long days of music, booze and SHAGGING at the iconic Worthy Farm site.
More than 150,000 people flock to the famous festival every year, but it isn’t just the huge headline acts that draw in such hefty crowds.
Yesterday, we caught up with two scorching revellers, 23- year- old Katie and Melissa, as they enjoyed their sixth Glasto experience and told us all about what really goes on at the world famous event.
Nursing student Melissa said: “Every year we strategically plan how to get our tickets as there is no way we would want to miss out on Glastonbury!
“What’s not to love?! There’s good music, loads of booze and not to mention all the fit blokes with their tops off – and everyone is up for a good time… if you know what I mean?!
“The first few years that we came, we were quite young and a bit more wary. But we’ve hooked up with at least one lad every year without fail.
Fingering
PARTY GIRLS: Pals Katie and Melissa ( far right) at Glasto
“We got here on Wednesday afternoon and headed straight for the Rum Shack for an all- night party. It wasn’t long before we got chatting to a group of lads and I noticed one of them giving me the eye.
“He went out for a ciggie so I followed him outside and he didn’t even have time to get his lighter out before I’d pounced on him and stuck my tongue down his throat.
“I couldn’t even tell you his name, but that only added to the thrill to be honest and we edged around the side of the venue, out of sight of people walking past.
“I was wearing a flimsy little summer dress so it was easy for him to slip his hand inside my knickers and after fingering me for a few minutes until I was dripping wet, he flipped me round and bent me over.
“Then he thrust into me hard and within minutes I’d climaxed and he was blowing his load as well. When we walked back in we must have looked pretty smug and his mates gave us a round of applause!
“We swapped numbers and have met up three times since then for a quickie – he even crashed in our tent last night and spooned the both of us!”
The sex- mad pair got the train from Leeds to Somerset on Wednesday morning and spent six hours queueing up in the scorching June weather just to get on to the camp site.
Saucy
But once inside, the girls have barely stopped partying and have both managed to fit in a few saucy liaisons.
Katie, a cell centre worker, told us: “Mel is always the first to pull, there’s just no stopping her once she’s got her eye on the prize. But we’ve both had a festival shag… and there’s still two days to go!
“When the bands kicked off on Friday we headed to the Other Stage to watch Charli XCX and I spotted a guy I knew from our old sixth form.
“He bought me a drink and as we danced to the music he pulled me in close and started grinding up against me. And I knew it wasn’t accidental that I could feel his hard cock jabbing into my back.
“We watched the rest of Charli’s set but there was a two- hour gap before the next band I wanted to see, so he asked me back to his tent for a beer.
“We got cosy in his two- man tent and knocked back about six cans before we started kissing and I slipped my hand inside his jeans and pulled out his massive boner.
“We’ve shagged before, when we were a bit younger, so I was glad to see my memory had served me well!
“I zipped up the tent and pushed him backwards before taking his whole length in my mouth. He was groaning in delight but I was after more than a blowjob, so I pulled away and slid off my shorts.
“There wasn’t much room in the tent but I managed to climb on top and I bounced up and down until he shouted that he was going to spunk. It didn’t last long but it certainly did the trick for us both!
“I’m not a one- man type of girl though, and the next night I ended up sucking a complete stranger off behind the toilets. A few people spotted us, but everyone’s at it to be honest!
“People might disapprove, but we’re only young and festivals are all about having fun, so I don’t see the harm in making the most of it while we’re here!”