HE TAKES ALL THE WEEK’S NEWS & PULLS ITS PANTS DOWN
A NEW series of Game of Thrones launches with over- promoted ginger busker Ed Sheeran making a cameo role.
Critics say the hit drama is nothing but “tits and dragons”.
I think we all know which camp Ed fits into. A SECURITY robot in the USA commits suicide by driving himself into a lake. Good. Here are some other cold and irritating robots who should do us all a favour and top themselves: supermarket self- service checkouts, automated cold- calling phone systems; Theresa May... THE BBC reveals the whopping salaries it dishes out to its enormous pool of mediocre newsreaders, vacuous bimbos and old men who talk between playing records on the radio.
Surprisingly, the great naturalist David Attenborough was NOT on the list of those earning more than £ 150,000.
It later emerged that BBC managers have kept his wages low by holding a baby panda hostage and threatening to kill it unless he makes another BAFTA- winning nature film. PRINCE William beats his fruity wife Kate in a rowing race in Germany. Well, it wasn’t really a rowing race because they were just steering and calling the strokes while an Olympic rower did the hard work. So if anything it was more of a cox race. But you can’t say that to someone who went to Eton College, as he’ll immediately start pulling himself off over the nearest digestive biscuit. THOUSANDS of British tourists awake to violent eruptions which cause devastation and a trail of destruction.
Nothing to do with the earthquakes in Turkey and Greece. We mean anyone who ate the rice salad at that all- inclusive buffet in Sharm. CHARLOTTE Hawkins is left red- faced after accidentally saying the Olympic swimmer Michael Phelps is a SWINGER. To be fair, there are some similarities – both spend a lot of time getting wet, both involve a lot of strokes, and – if you swim for Russia – both involve taking a lot of pricks. UNDER FIRE: Salacious parts of the media have been slammed after they allowed users to post vile comments about new Doctor Who appointment THE salacious Daily Mail has been SLAMMED by equality campaigners after it reported news of the first female Doctor Who by printing old nude pics of actress Jodie Whittaker.
But the Mail refused to join in the delight – instead dredging up six- year- old stills of Jodie in the Channel Four satirical comedy drama series and ELEVEN- year- old nude stills from the 2006 movie,
The tired Sun’s Daily Mail Doctor Who