IN THE KNOW WITH
TROUBLE in the studio for PURVE, who are in the middle of recording their new album, I CAN SEE YOU.
The rockers’ long- awaited follow- up to their hit I’M HOLDING IT NOW has been beset by problems, not least guitarist JOHN KELLER being attacked by a pelican in Madagascar.
The latest hitch – involving an unpaid truffles bill – could put back release until Christmas.
A pal tells me: “Truffles could be their undoing.” CONTROVERSIAL pop-bongo outfit ORIFICE – who cheated death when their minibus crashed into waltzers last month – have announced the dates for their Christmas tour and, bizarrely, they’re all in Runcorn! Lead singer R. AUDREY told toddlers’ music magazine TOT OF THE POPS: “We were going to have nationwide tour but the minibus insurance hasn’t paid out yet.” The decision has caused dismay across the water in Widnes – home of the band’s official fan club! THERE were raised eyebrows at BILLERICAY RACECOURSE when pop star- turned- horse man JACK LANCE entered his new two- year- old into the 46 GUINEAS WIMBOLDSLEY STAKES.
Jack – never one to shy away from ruffling feathers – has named his horse OUR LITTLE SECRET, which caused some to suggest it sounded “a bit Savile- y’.
But Jack pointed out it was merely the name of his first album… failing to mention it was banned in Norway! WRITERS have made emergency alterations to the scripts at FLOSSIE’S UNDERCUT after the who shock departure of KITTY SPLIT, plays tearaway SALLY SPRINGLE. Kitty stormed off set after a fellow cast member – who can’t be named for legal reasons – teased her over reports she’d had a dalliance with 89-year-old TRASH TO TREASURE presenter PHELPS MERCER. Filming has been thrown into chaos as Sally Springle is in the middle of a shock dog-sex-grooming storyline that was tipped to win a BAFFA. TENNIS fans were stunned to see GO TO BIDDULPH host GARRY WILSHIRE knocking balls around VICKERSWAY PARK with none other than Swedish babe TULL GRAVID.
The pair had booked a court for no less than SIX HOURS, causing consternation at the popular sports venue and complaints around the brine pool.
So what were Garry and Tull up to for all that time? We’ve no idea, but are told Tull’s been to visit NORLEY LICE CLINIC. JOY TOY: Princess Di’s ‘ secret mascot’ was ‘ Le Gadget’