HE TAKES ALL THE WEEK’S NEWS & PULLS ITS PANTS DOWN
AMERICAN singer Taylor Swift wins a court case against a radio DJ who groped her bottom while they posed for a photo.
The pop star originally tried to Shake It Off but apparently his hand went so far into her Blank Space that she feared her bums cheeks were Getting Back Together. DAVID Beckham enjoys a family day out at the Museum of Ice Cream in Los Angeles. I thought Becks hated the stuff. He was famous for swerving Walls. And I thought Victoria hated the stuff, too. Because she was famous for looking like a f** king skeleton. THE daughter of Hollywood actors Steven Seagal and Kelly LeBrock launches a new career as a plus- sized model.
Both her parents were massive stars. And now so is she. Perhaps one day she’ll follow her dad into acting. How about an action movie in which she battles terrorists while disguised as a joint of roasting pork belly?
Suggested title: Under Sage. TELLY host Richard Madeley threatens to “deck” anyone who takes an upskirt picture of his wife Judy.
Never mind decking, Rich. Anyone who wants a close up of Mrs F’s gusset wants sectioning. Never Ever THE first ever day- night Test cricket match in England is played at Edgbaston by men with pink balls. Against men with black balls. BED SHARE? Kidnapper Lukasz Herba ( right) and ( above) a reconstruction of Chloe’s car boot ordeal AS a story it has everything: sex, drugs, crime, a secretive group of white slavers, a beautiful woman… and the nagging whispers that it’s all an elaborate HOAX!
No wonder movie producers are falling over themselves to secure rights to make the movie of model Chloe Ayling’s six- day kidnap ordeal.
The 20- year- old said she was injected with ketamine after being lured to a fake modelling shoot in Milan, Italy, before being bundled into the boot of a car and told she was going to be sold as a sex slave to Arabs in the Middle East
Chloe claimed to have been SINISTER: Criminal gang is believed to operate on the dark web snatched by a group calling itself Black Death last month before being drugged and transported in a bag to an isolated village near Turin.
She said she was held for six days there as her captors tried to auction her online.
Chloe was eventually taken to the British Consulate in Milan by one of her kidnappers – Lukasz Pawel Herba – after the gang realised she had a young son back home in England.
If true, it’s an extraordinary sequence of events – and it’s believed that at least THREE leading Hollywood studios are in the