MAN PLEASURED MISSUS WITH QUORN STRAP-ON
QUORN really is the perfect meat substitute, and here’s the proof…
Liz Stewart thought she was getting a serving of hubby Chris’s solid man- meat.
But the 39- year- old nurse was being rogered by a homemade strap- on – MADE OF QUORN!
Chris, a 42- year- old Walsall- based health and safety officer, said he made the six- inch culinary dinger after seeing a TV advert starring athlete Mo Farah.
“Mo was banging on about how you can’t tell the difference between meat and that Quorn, so I thought, ‘ Right, I’ll test it out’.”
“I grilled two of their meat- free sausages before mashing them up.
“Then I moulded the microprotein treat over a small model of Big Ben that I’d bought off eBay.”
“The hardest part was making the Quorn cock stick to a pair of swimming trunks, but I did it with elastic from a safety mask and some wood glue.
Spunk
“The glue looked like spunk, but it didn’t half do the trick.”
“That night, me and the wife were getting randy in the dark, so I called time- out and went to the loo.
“That’s when I took the strap- on from the airing cupboard and it eased it on. It looked great, so I just went straight back into her and started lancing.
“It was an awesome session. She kept telling me I felt ‘ extra meaty’, even though she had no idea it wasn’t my willy.”
Chris didn’t tell Liz about his love- gadget until afterwards.
“She was right irked at first, but soon saw the funny side. In fact, she’s now a convert to Quorn – we’re having their meatless balls for tea tonight. I just hope she doesn’t want revenge and tries to pop one up my bot- bot.”