JACOB REES-MOGG SEX DWARF BUMMED MY BUFFALO
‘…If I ever get my hands on that little f**ker I’ll kill him!’
WHEN buffalo breeder Arnold Watson heard one of his beloved beasts let out an anguished bison- bellow in the dead of night, he pulled on his wellington boots and ran to investigate, carrying a powerful torch and a sturdy cudgel.
But the sight that greeted Arnold, 58, was almost too much for his sleep- fuddled brain to take in.
For hanging out the back of one of his prize herd was a NAKED DWARF… who bore a striking resemblance to top Tory MP Jacob Rees- Mogg.
Arnold, who has run his buffalo farm near Wetherby, West Yorks for 20 years, said: “I thought I’d seen it all. When I heard a beast bellowing I thought someone may have been trying to pinch a buffalo. It’s not unheard of.
Scuttling
“I shone my torch into the paddock and what I saw literally made me rub my eyes – a naked dwarf, stood on a bale of hay scuttling one of my ruddy buffalo!
“And from the sound it was making, he was going up trap two – the dirty little c** t!
“I yelled out, ‘ Oi, you short- arse f** ker! Stop bumming my buffalo right now and f** k off out of it!’
“He looked round and I thought, ‘ I recognise that face!’
“It was the spitting
image of that posh MP, Jacob Rees- Mogg.
“It wasn’t him, of course – the real Jacob Rees- Mogg is quite a tall chap and this guy, as I said, was a dwarf.
“Next thing I knew he jumped down and ran off into the darkness – still bollock- naked.
“If I ever get my hands on that little f** ker I’ll kill him!”
Sunday Sport has since discovered that a prime suspect for the crime is former porn star and convicted sex pest “Little” Davy Lewis – from nearby Leeds.
However, when a reported from Sunday Sport confronted him about his late- night buffalo sex antics, Lewis denied everything.
Dossier
Tellingly, Mr Lewis was carrying a copy of Cattle Breeder mag in his itty- bitty dwarf hands.
A dossier of our investigation has also been handed to the authorities.
Last night a source close to Mr Rees- Mogg, MP for North East Somerset, said: “Oh my goodness!”