HE TAKES ALL THE WEEK’S NEWS & PULLS ITS PANTS DOWN
THE CLEANER THE STANDBY GIRL
FAST food chain KFC is forced to close scores of restaurants when they run out of chicken.
The man in charge of supplies probably feels like a right tit. But he’ll have to make do with a salad, same as everyone else.
Most customers were deeply shocked by the news. Seriously, did any of us really believe that KFC meals contained chicken? MPs in Iceland’s parliament vote to ban circumcision. They acted following a tip- off. A DRAMATIC BRIT Awards sees Best Album winner Stormzy attack Prime Minister Theresa May in a freestyle rap over the Grenfell Tower disaster.
He would never have the nerve to take on a Labour Prime Minister like that. He knows they are both tough on grime and tough on the causes of grime.
A spokesman for Number 10 said Mrs May will respond in due course and with reference to the hardship and troubles of her own early life. She just needs to find something that rhymes with “field of wheat”. PRINCE Harry and his fiancée Meghan are at the centre of an anthrax scare after they are sent a parcel containing white powder. Thankfully, it turned out to be harmless. Which is a good job as Harry was already snorting his third line before the alarm was raised. A CARE home in Dorset is slammed for putting on a pole dancing show for elderly residents.
Staff said they didn’t have a moral problem with the saucy show.
But it did make it hard to roll the elderly gents over for a bed bath. CHINA brings in laws to stop mourners hiring strippers at funerals. Strippers?! All I got at my nan’s send- off was a couple of tired old baps and a fish paste sandwich. Which is actually pretty similar to a lo t of strippers when you think about it. STEVE – not his real name – goes to ‘Gang Bang Thursday’ every week. And he has a very particular part to play in the proceedings – he’s known as ‘The Cleaner’. After anywhere between 10 and 20 men have shot their loads on a girl’s face, Steve licks her clean! He goes to a similar event on Tuesdays called ‘Bareback Tuesday’ where – as the name suggests – no condoms are worn and the guys climax inside the girls. Steve told Sunday Sport: “I prefer Tuesdays as I’m cleaning semen straight from a girl’s vagina – that’s inside and out – rather than the face. “To a lot of people, what I do may seem a little odd but then other people’s fetishes always seem odd, don’t they? “In my working life I have to deal with all sorts of high pressure situations. “At the gang bangs, I’m just letting my hair down and being a dirty cum pig!” ANCHOR’S WAHEY! Porn star Kirsty loves spunk on her