THIS HAPPY FELLA HAS JUST BEEN ARRESTED FOR W*NKING INTO A SALAD BAR

PLUMBER Ken Monkton is in hot water with neighbours for his cheeky business slogan.

The bespectacled toilet specialist has plastered his company van with the line: “I’m good with shit.” A MAN was arrested after supermarket security staff saw him WANKING into the salad bar.

Grinning Barry Ingle, 47, was caught with a fistful of lettuce wrapped around his engorged penis as he tugged one out in plain view in a posh Cheshire supermarket.

Eyewitnesses say he was shaking his free hand at the ceiling, shouting: “Mayonnaise! Mayonnaise!”

Witness Collette Baring, 50 – who was shopping at the store with her grandchildren

Balding Ken, 40, claims he’s just trying to promote his jack- of- all- trades firm, despite having no formal plumbing training.

Guzzling half of mild at his local in Bolton, Ken said: – told a court: “The guy appeared to have his balls resting over the chilled tomatoes while he was conducting what my parents would have described as self- abuse.

“It was absolutely revolting, I have to say. But the security men were on him in a flash.

Mess

“He was rugby- tackled him to the floor, which couldn’t have been nice – what with his old chap out and stiff as a board, and all the salad mess and everything.

“As if I didn’t need an “Do binmen need qualifications to empty bins? Do photographers need ’ em to take pictures?

“Of course they don’t. And you don’t need a degree to put your hand down a clogged bog full of other people’s shit.” PERV: Barry Ingle excuse, it’s really put me off the idea of butter beans for life.”

The supermarket – which cannot be named for legal reasons – said it had beefed up security and CCTV in response.

Ingle, from Lymm, Cheshire, did not give evidence in court.

He pleaded guilty to outraging public decency with diminished responsibility and will be sentenced after psychiatric reports have been prepared.