How can I get my hubby to sticking his bellend into red-hot steak & kidney puddings?
10things BENIDORM
LAST week, ITV waved goodbye to the sunny shores of Benidorm as the popular comedy show came to the end of the current season.
After 10 series and a whopping 75 episodes, the hilarious hit has come to a halt but for plenty of Brits the fun is just beginning as they flock to the Spanish city every year for sun, sea and sex.
Well known as one of Europe’s top holiday destinations for young and old alike, here are 10 things you may not know about the famous beach resort…
Benidorm is also known as Little Manhattan or is referred to as Dubai of the Mediterranean because it has the most high- rise buildings per capita in the world.
are more than 200 nightclubs and around 1,000 bars in Benidorm, making it popular with tourists from across the world.
bikini boom began there in 1959 when the mayor at the time, Pedro Zaragoza, took the brave decision of signing a municipal order that would allow the wearing of bikinis on the beaches. Before the order was signed, men in Spain had to cover their chests and women were ordered to wear skirts.
is popular with elderly people and there are 13 versions of a Belgian comedy show called Benidorm Bastards, which follows old folk around the resort.
retired, world- renowned performer Sticky Vicky appeared around six times a night, six nights a week wowing tourists by pulling razor blades, ping- pong balls and even lightbulbs from her fanny.
research uncovered Benidorm as the number one spot for holidaymakers having unprotected sex.
the town is Europe and Spain’s biggest holiday resort and sees five million tourist arrivals per year.
has three major beaches and all of them have held a blue flag, the maximum quality standard recognised by the EU, since 1987.
is the 10th most popular place for stag and hen parties, despite stuffy local councillors doing their best to get rid of the large, rowdy groups.
year a bizarre rally, called Benidorm Bangers, sees 60 customised cars which cost less than £ 500 race from London to the Spanish city. REALITY babe Ashley James sizzles as she posts a sultry see- thru selfie on Instagram.
The one- time Celebrity Big Brother contestant, 31, showcased her hot curves in white lace lingerie which left little to the imagination with its sheer panelling.
Ashley’s chest was on show in the racy bra as she posed in front of her bedroom mirror.
You could also see her teat “outer bulls”.
An admirer said: “I would. Definitely.” PUDDING TUB: Derek ( above) likes to shaft steamy puds SOME couples bond over a shared love of classical music.
Or maybe their romance blossomed through a mutual delight in visiting the theatre.
For others, a keen interest in PVC and scat dungeons brought them together.
Derek and Kendra Phillips fell in love and married because both adore the gravy- filled, meaty, suety charm of the steak and kidney pudding.
Alas, in recent years, that simple delight has become tainted as 47- year- old Derek has taken his liking rather too far…
By SHAGGING the savoury treat at any opportunity.
And wife Kendra, 45, is SICK of it!
She told Sunday Sport last night: “We got chatting in a pub some 20 years ago and the conversation got round to steak and kidney puds. It turned out we both loved them!
Finger
“That was good enough for me so I let Derek finger me behind the bins that very night. Within a year we were wed – and we had steak and kidney pudding at our wedding, too!
“We had steak and kidney pudding once, maybe twice, a week. When we go on holiday, we always take some with us, as foreigners don’t sell them.
“We were living the dream… until our Derek started shagging them!”
Kendra said she first caught her hubby in the dead of night defiling a pudding in the kitchen of their home in Barnsley, South Yorks.
She said: “He had his pants down and there he was, balls- deep. I said ‘ Derek Phillips – what on earth are you doing?!’ and he said, ‘ Sorry love, I’m shagging t’pud’. I told him, ‘ You dirty article!’
“Turns out he’d been doing it for years, on the quiet – shagging puddings! The hotter the better. It’s not right. I’m at my wits’ end!”
Spunk
Shame- faced Derek said: “I can’t help it. I just love the feeling of scalding hot gravy on my bellend and maybe, if I’m lucky, a bit of gristle in my Jap’s eye – sorry – chap’s eye.
“I don’t make our Kendra eat the puds I’ve shot spunk in. They go in the bin. I just wish she’d accept me for who I am – and that’s a man what shags steak and kidney puddings.”