Perv nicked for unexpected jizz in bagging area
Is this the best Amazon review ever?
A WOMAN was left “disgusted beyond words” when a naked man spunked in her shopping as she was loading carrier bags into her car.
The unnamed shopper was unloading her trolley in the car park when Samuel C. Blackmon – who was “not wearing a stitch” dashed from behind an advertising hoarding, furiously masturbating.
The 48- year- old perv ( above) ran up to the woman and ejaculated into her bags.
Cops raced to the scene in Sulphur, Louisiana, and found Blackmon “crouching in bushes, gibbering”.
He was arrested and booked into the Calcasieu Parish Correctional Center on charges of obscenity.
His victim said: “I done gone down to the store to fetch my brood some vittles and this varmint done gone jizzed all over the popping crackers, moon soda and candy dough.
“Hell, I could hardly feed them to a hog after that, no sir, as the Sweet Lord Jesus is my witness.” FOR the Butterthwaite boys, posing for family photos is more of a chore than for most…
Because whenever the clan gathers for a snap, their paternal grandfather Don ALWAYS grabs their mum’s BOOBS!
Pete Butterthwaite, 22, sighed: “We laughed about it when we were younger, ‘ Oh, Grandad’s feeling Mum’s busters again!’
“But it’s been going on for years now, and it’s not funny any more. Worst of all, our dad Harry thinks it’s funny his father’s groping his wife’s tits.
“He absolutely ruined our Gary’s wedding photos. Gary’s new wife was livid.”
Gary added: “We’ve said to him, ‘ Grandad, stop feeling our mam’s tits’ but he just laughs and calls us all ‘ daft f** king snowflakes’.”
Last night, speaking at the Butterthwaite family home in Biddulph, Staffs, mum Gloria said: “Oh, Don. He’s a card.
“Sometimes I wish he would stop groping my tits for family photos but there’s no telling him when he’s had a drink.” SHOPPING site Amazon may be absolutely devastating the High Street and the firm may be slightly careful about how much tax it pays on its huge profits.
But there are some absolute gems hidden in the retail giant’s product reviews.
And this beauty ( left) is from a page flogging Durex Play sex lubricant.
The product, which is especially useful when it comes to taboo bum love, comes in several flavours and this review is for the strawberry variety.
Last night experts were unsure whether it’s even legal to put sex lotion on your kids’ rice pudding…
One, who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals, said: “Jesus f** king Christ!
“That’s a bit ripe! Funny though.” FED- UP: The four brothers in a typical family photo with mum Gloria and Don