I BURNT MY BELLEND ON FURNACE FRIDAY
Horror for sunbather
WITH temperatures soaring into the high nineties and the office air- con struggling to cope, insurance assessor Alan Jarvis was cock- a- hoop when his boss said: “That’s enough for one day!”
Like thousands of others on what was dubbed Furnace Friday, the 34- year- old singleton got an early dart.
Alan said: “I went to a sports shop and bought some shorts then I went up to Hampstead Heath for some sunbathing. I finally found a spot and fell asleep.”
But what had started as a great afternoon soon turned to shit.
Screaming
Alan said: “Some screaming woke me up. I’ve no idea how long I’d been asleep. There was a woman with a dog standing in front of me screaming ‘ Pervert, pervert”. “I had no idea what she was on about but then I realised my todger had slipped below the hem of my shorts and was poking out like a little plum. “I was still quite sleepy but then it hit me. The pain! “My bellend had been sunburned quite severely. It was agony just to put it back in my shorts.
“I hobbled away, with this woman still yelling and was going to go home but I had to go to A& E. They gave me a local anaesthetic and some ointment.
“Let me tell you, there is no pain like a sunburnt bellend.”
Predictions that Friday would be the hottest day in UK history fell flat as cloud brought rain and thunderstorms to many areas.
But still temperatures nudged 97 degrees in the south east.