COCK ‘N’ BALLS BANDITS PINCHED MY WILLY!

Warning as transplants fuel penis thefts

BLOKES have been warned to keep a firm hold of their meat ’ n’ two veg as gangs of COCK THIEVES roam the UK pinching peckers for the penis transplant trade.

Medical advances have made genital transplants a reality – but with a MASSIVE backlog of demand for donor dicks and a TINY supply, criminal gangs are moving in to make up the shortfall.

And that means any man with a full set of family jewels could fall prey to the cock ’ n’ balls “bandits”.

Retired John Gaskill, from Hereford, was robbed of his penis last Monday on his way home from the pub.

The 71- year- old told Sunday Sport: “This Transit van pulled up and four big blokes – clearly from eastern Europe – jumped out.

“I thought to myself, ‘ Aye, aye… this will be an Albanian shit gang, up to no good’.

“But no. They grabbed me, threw me in the back of their van and someone put a cloth over my face.

“When I woke up I was severely woozy and lying in a ditch outside the city. OA- PEED OFF: John Gaskill was abducted on way home

SUNDAY SPORT EXCLUSIVE

“And would you know it – those bastards had stolen my old fella!

“If I was 30 years younger, I’d box their ruddy ears.”

A National Crime Agency source said that genital theft was a “tiny but growing” crime.

But our source said officials were reluctant to blame Albanian shit gangs for fear of being branded “racist”. ADVANCES: Cockless men can have new knobs fitted

The thefts have tainted what many dickless men had seen as good news.

A man who lost his genitals in a war injury earlier this year had the world’s first full penis and scrotum transplant.

Surgeons at Baltimore’s John Hopkins University rebuilt the hero’s entire pelvic region from the parts of a deceased donor.

It was anticipated the op would give the injured man full urinary and sexual function.