Train take the strain?... I’d get stabbed!

SITTING in yet another traffic jam on the M56 the other day, the thought of commuting to work by train once again crossed my mind.

I live just 15 minutes’ walk from a station – a walk through gorgeous woods alive with birds, squirrels and doggers.

I could read a book on the train, stare out at the wonderful Cheshire countryside, avoid witless c** tbubbles in their BMWs and Audis swerving across three lanes to dart into the exit for posh Hale. Bliss, surely? Then reality hit. The train from mid- Cheshire to Manchester is what can only be politely termed as a converted bus on rails. It bakes in summer and your knackers knock in the cold of winter.

Then there’s the hell of “other people”. I’m no great fan of humanity at the best of times, but spending an hour wedged into someone’s armpit listening to some witless trollop opposite wittering “… and then she said…”? Er, no. And then there’s the price.

It would cost the thick end of £ 20 a day – £ 100 a week – for the ticket.

That’s TWICE as much as I spend on petrol for the same trip.

At least stuck in the Volvo I can listen to Classic FM in splendid isolation.

Then came the clincher. There’s been a 17 per cent increase in crime on British railways.

So as well as the expense, the inconvenience and other f** king passengers there’s a bigger chance of you being stabbed to death.

When old Jimmy Savile did his “this is the age of the train” adverts, there was no mention of getting your spleen stabbed out.

Over 61,000 crimes were reported by British Transport Police ( BTP) in 2017/ 18, up from 52,235 during the previous 12 months.

Violent crime accounts for nearly one in five of all cases after rising by 26 per cent to 11,711.

And offences involving knives or other weapons went up 46 per cent.

BTP chief constable Paul Crowther said: “The chances of becoming a victim of crime on the rail network remains low.” Well, that’s alright then. Anyone who has travelled on Britain’s roads knows the increase in traffic is unsustainable. Year by year, the roads are grinding to a smog- choked standstill.

But when public transport is so f** king awful, who’s going to forsake their car?

Not me, that’s for sure.