That glimpsess from the Hull hen party had a right Essex gap on her
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Here’s a selection of our favourites...
1. n. Marvel comic book superhero who uses shrinking technology to go tiny. 2. n. An ugly fellow who, when it comes to pulling women, “pulls three times his own weight”.
n. An horrendously wet clearing of the nether throat that is performed at the bathroom sink every morning.
1. phr. A recent, unfortunate BBC news headline when Zoe Ball was announced as the new Radio 2 morning programme host. 2. phr. sim. Used, albeit with an added apostrophe, when suffering a particularly dispiriting hangover. “And how are you this morning, your holiness?” “F** k me, I feel like a ball bag’s breakfast!”
sim. Said of an overdone steak, say, an intractable diplomatic problem, or a particularly nails cage fighter.
adj. Feeling deflated and downcast after discovering a new squeeze’s mams are not quite up to the quality that might have been hoped or expected.
euph. The abject and seemingly endless walk home a person endures after having sharted.
n. A way of insulting someone in the vilest possible terms without resorting to the language of the gutter. From c** t + bubble.
exclam. Something to bellow at the top of your lungs, in the style of shouty thesp Brian Blessed, while having a dump.
n. The Toblerone tunnel at the top of a pair of knock- off leggings. The Dartford Tunnel.
n. A female who first appears attractive when glanced at momentarily, but whose appeal doesn’t hold up at all well under more stringent ocular scrutiny.
n. An artisan act of onanistic self delight performed over charmingly tosstalgic material such as the bra pages of the Kays or Grattan catalogue from the 1970s and 80s or Pan’s People on a BBC4 re- run of Top of the Pops. n. A raucous gaggle of women with lovely personalities.
n. Making exaggerated Bruce Lee- esque martial arts- style movements and facial expressions while dropping a gut.
sim. An overly large- winged cludge with apointed nose poking out the top.
n. A jeggings- clad salad dodger’s thighs rubbing together as she walks to the pie shop, creating enough static electricity to successfully revivify Frankenstein’s monster.
1. n. North American wildcat. 2. acronym. An annoying, tailgating driver, generally at the wheel of an Audi. Prick Up My Arse.
euph. After taking a Donald, to grab behind for the toilet roll that you fervently hope is located on top of the cistern.
1. n. Ice cream flavour that nobody had heard of five years ago but is now f** king everywhere. 2. n. Shum, toffee yoghurt.
adj. State of a festival goer’s intellect after spending the evening puffing on a meticulously hand- rolled cigarette that contains a crumbled Oxo cube for which he paid the thick end of twenty quid.
n. A jobseeker’s weekday hour- long morning wank over Holly Willoughby on This Morning.
exclam. Another one of those aphoristic things to say after someone steps on a frog.
adj. Characteristic of a heavily refreshed person’s footing while promenading on legs like snapped candles
1. n. Hand- sized cake treat popular in Maine, US. 2. n. The wet patch in the bed. “No, it’s definitely your turn to sleep in the whoopie pie, mother superior.”