Bish urged to recruit Muslims
ACTIVISTS have called on the Archbishop of Canterbury to “review” recruitment of clergy after a survey showed that more than 90% of vicars are practising Christians.
Diversity campaigners say that the Most Rev Justin Welby ( above) needs to show “real leadership” by recruiting from the ranks of other religions to “reposition the church’s unfortunate Christ- centric profile.”
Campaigner Meadow Sugarsweet said: “At a time when a mixed heritage woman can become a princess of the Royal Family, it is depressing that the Church of England refuses point blank to embrace diversity.
“We can only dream of to a time when Buddhists, Muslims and, yes, even Jews can be Anglican vicars.”
Last night a source close to the Archbishop sighed: “Oh Christ! What fresh hell is this?
“We’ve got enough trouble at the moment with the gays, thank you very much.” – Jimmy Carr AS a boy, Alwyn Jones obsessed with the comic book hero He- Man.
He watched every episode of the TV cartoon and had all the action figures which he used to recreate the life- or- death battles between his hero and his archnemesis Skeletor.
In that, he was no different from many other boys growing up in Pontypridd, south Wales.
What sets Alwyn apart is that when he grew up he did not put away such childish fancies and now, aged 47, he IS He- Man!
Alwyn – who has trained every day since he was 16 and has his hair cut in the shape of the He- Man bob – was last week awarded the prestigious He- Man of Europe crown at a ceremony in Sofia, Bulgaria.
Proud Alwyn said: “Unlike many of the Eastern European contestants, I do not resort to steroids. I have a milkshake every day derived from ram semen. That is my secret formula. It is disgusting but it has made me into He- Man.”
But not everyone is impressed by Alwyn’s cartooninspired antics.
One neighbour, who asked not to be named for fear of reprisals, said: “How would you like it if your neighbour spent all night pissed as a STRONGMAN: Alwyn says ram spunk milkshakes are the secret to his power badger, yelling ‘ I have the POWER’ or confronting delivery men accusing them of being Skeletor.
“As for the sheep spunk – don’t believe any of that nonsense he spouts about milkshakes. He sucks off rams in his back yard. True.
“And I don’t know if you’ve seen a ram getting a blowjob but, quite frankly, it is the most horrific sight in all of existence. Pint after scalding pint of it, there is, and that pervert doesn’t spill a drop.
“It turns my stomach, look you.” HE- MAN: Alwyn models himself on his cartoon hero