My biological cock has flaccid reflux before making a spunkuation mark

THE LATEST edition of Viz comic is on sale now, with its regular update of the ace Roger’s Profanisaurus.

Get Viz – priced

£ 3.70 – from your newsagents now.

Here’s a selection of our favourites...

exclam. An amusing quip to make before dropping one’s guts.

exclam. Insincere promise made by a sexist man to an attractive woman implying he might consider her for an opportunity of some sort, although he actually plans to merely imagine her in the rik.

n. Shortly before a young swain is due to get married, the feeling he gets that he must tup as many women as possible before his time to do so runs out forever.

n. Tiny particle of matter emanating from the clockweights that might find itself deposited variously on bedsheets, inside socks, wiped on curtains, or, very occasionally, in a fanny.

n. When a seemingly normal bloke gets behind the wheel of a white Transit and immediately drives about like a f*** ing prick.

adj. Finding someone sexually attractive, even though they look like a bag of knuckles, purely because one has consumed a life- threatening amount of alcohol.

n. medic. Post- wank seepage.

n. One of those continental bogs which, when flushed, fills the bowl before emptying, thus giving you a full- on inspection of the tempting delicacies within.

exclam. Said of a woman whose previously well caredfor ladygarden has been allowed to go wild. “Well, at least it’ll be good for the bees, I suppose, Germaine.”

1. n. An amusingly shaped, meat- flavoured dog chew. 2. n. The result of attempting unnatural congress with a lady who is suffering a gastric complaint.

n. Airborne jizz that probably harms the ozone layer.

n. An adult video website which presents a temptingly wide selection of abstruse categories to peruse.

n.

One

who

can

immediately alter the mood in a room by dropping an absolutely putrid gut and then probably blogging out it.

euph. Performing an exceptionally close trim to the turf around the flagstick in order to prevent any entanglement.

1. n. prop. Actress most renowned for playing the eponymous hero in the Netflix series Jessica Jones. No, us neither. 2. n. rhym. slang. Cockney argot for the rusty sheriff’s badge. “Ooh, I’ll tell you what, me old China. I wouldn’t mind Barry Tooking that Krysten Ritter up the Krysten Ritter.”

1. n. Believe it or not, gas which has been compressed and turned to liquid. 2. n. A wet fart.

n. A growler that is far more hirsute, asymmetrical, and terrifying than a rip on a gorilla’s skin.

n. Like a napkin, but used by a young lady to wipe spunk off her paps.

adj. Representing the most perfect or typical example of a quality or high class front bum.

n. The kind of short- arsed police officer we have these days due to the old height restrictions being removed.

v. To shit and vomit at the same time. “Grandad went down with the norovirus last winter. The poor old get was shomitting for days.”

n. The natural pauses taken during the reading of a work of erotic literature.

n. Commonly found in bongo mags, marking where a previous reader paused..

acronym. A time- management strategy of employees seeking a better work life balance in the works lavs, viz. Twitter On The Shitter.

exclam. A useful rejoinder following a particularly miasmic and eyewatering trouser cough.