I’VE TRAINED MY PIGEON TO ON JEREMY CLARKSON
TARGET: TV’s Clarkson
BIRD- fancier Declan Ferguson wants the world to know he’s trained a pigeon to take a dump on TV motormouth Jeremy Clarkson.
And it’s because the Extinction Rebellion supporter reckons the former Top Gear star is responsible for our huge carbon footprint by encouraging Brits to buy petrol- guzzling motor cars.
Declan, 32, decided to take revenge by painstakingly training his pigeon Molly to shit on Clarkson’s head.
And now he has come
WELL, that’s one way to get over a hangover!
Paul Kilkenny was feeling rough as a badger’s arse after a night on the sauce when he visited a café with his missus Hannah, 32.
And to cheer up the welder from St Helens, Merseyside, she flopped out a teat and let him take a pic. out of hiding to take credit for the hell that Clarkson, 59, is going through at the hands of Molly.
The HGV driver from Welshpool, Mid Wales, said: “Every time I see Jeremy Clarkson on TV I feel physically sick.
“He’s all loud and obnoxious, and he’s got blood on his hands – thousands of people have died in Britain
He said: “My wife is the best – she always knows what to do, to make me feel good.
“And now she’s let me put the photo in
Would you like to see your sexy pic in
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PHYSICALLY SICK: Declan with Molly since he has been on the telly and that can’t be just a coincidence.
“He should have used his celebrity to tell people to eat less meat and use pedal cars.
“Instead, he has been banging on for years about Bugatti Veyrons and powerboats.
“It’s sickening. So I decided to do something about it.
“I was reading a book about how the British army trained pigeons to do all kinds during the war and thought I could use that information.
“So I used a life- size cutout of Clarkson and encouraged Molly to shit on it.
“Whenever she did, I gave her a treat – soon she was crapping on sight, so I released her near Clarkson’s posh Oxfordshire farm and she did exactly what I’d trained her to do.
“She must have shat on him 134 times in the last year.
“But Clarkson has no idea, so I have decided to out myself – I want him to know he’s not just unlucky but is being specifically targeted, and will be until he changes his ways.
“I recently bought a microlight so I might start shitting on him myself, if he doesn’t do anything.”
A source close to Clarkson, whose family started up in business making the first stuffed Paddington Bears, said: “This man is delusional. Jeremy has been shat on by pigeons no more than 24 times in his life.”