Please, love…can you stop delivery drivers?
ALL over Britain, relationships are being tested to breaking point by the lockdown.
Cooped up together and barred from the escape of the normal working day, couples are discovering each other’s most annoying habits and aggravating quirks.
But spare a thought for poor Danny Mason.
Because his wife Sophie’s irritating trait is SHAGGING delivery drivers!
Call centre manager Danny has been working from home while Sophie is furloughed from her job as an executive relations assistant with an international Saudi owned company.
At first, things went well at the couple’s semi in Bromsgrove, Worcs.
Danny said: “At first, Sophie was glad of the rest from her job.
“She spends a lot of time in Dubai, looking after Arab gentlemen, making sure they have everything they need in their hotel rooms.
LOCKDOWN ’ N’ DIRTY: Sophie and Danny
“But after two weeks she got a bit tetchy.
“Then, when I came downstairs for a cuppa one afternoon, she was being taken roughly from behind by a man who had delivered a parcel for Amazon.
“I said, ‘ Oi! That’s not social distancing!’ and sent the guy away with a flea in his ear. I spoke to Sophie very sternly about the need to keep two metres from people not from our household – the Government have been very clear about it.
“But days later, there she was again, with the JustEat guy’s cock down her throat!
“I cried, ‘ For the love of God! Do you want the NHS to be overwhelmed?’
“Next day, some guy delivering something she’d bought on eBay was pounding her over the sofa – right in the arse, if you will!
“Well, that was it. I sat them both down and made them read the Government leaflet all about social distancing and how vital it is.
“And I begged Sophie, ‘ Please, love… can you stop shagging delivery drivers?’
“I was wasting my time with him, of course… scarcely spoke a word of English.”
Sophie says that she’s learned her lesson and won’t be shagging any more delivery drivers until the Government gives the all- clear.
Danny said: “Hah! I’ll believe that when I see it.”