Perv’s untimely end after he took to the woods to avoid virus
Lockdown perv dies with SQUIRREL up bum
WHEN nature-loving Liam Cooper heard the country was going into lockdown because of the coronavirus he took matters into his own hands by setting up camp in a forest.
The 34- year- old homeopathy consultant left behind his home in the leafy village of Norley, Cheshire, and armed with only a tent, a bottle of peppermint oil, a bag of nuts and a water filter he began his new life as a nomad in nearby Delamere Forest.
And no more was heard from him until his best friend Graham Dooley went looking for him when the lockdown eased, and found him DEAD with a squirrel sticking out of his backside.
Graham, 32, told
Sunday Sport: “I spoke to Liam in the days leading up to lockdown and he was convinced that civilization was about to end.
“He said that within a month there would be no electricity, no water and no food.
Self- sufficient
“He wanted to get ahead of the game by being self- sufficient and living in the wild.
“Liam loved nature and I know for a fact he had once read a Ray Mears survival book so I thought he’d be fine.
“But when lockdown eased I wanted to see how he was getting on.
“So I went looking for him – it took two days before I found him, and what I saw will stay with me for the rest of my days.
“He was face down, with his head buried and his arse in the air, with a squirrel lodged halfway up his rectum.
I could just see its back legs and bushy tail.
“You could see by the scratches on Liam that it was alive when he put it up there.
“He must have gone a bit doolally in the woods.
“Think of it, unlike the rest of us he didn’t have Zoom quizzes, Joe Wicks fitness videos and the ability to spy on neighbours to see if they were breaking lockdown to keep him sane.
“He was alone with only the squirrels for company.
“The daft sod must have befriended one of the critters and then jammed it up his arse as some kind of misguided attempt to commune with nature.
“I suppose it could have been a sex thing, but I’m not sure using a squirrel as a living butt plug could ever turn anyone on.
“Still, as Liam used to say before his tragic passing, it takes all sorts!”