SICK RUSSKIE MAKES ‘TACHE FROM THE PUBES OF
READER PIC Imogen’s imaginin’ Reading!
AFTER an unforgettable time at Reading Festival last year, gorgeous Imogen Ward could hardly wait for a return visit.
Then the coronavirus oozed out of a dead bat in China and the world changed forever.
Imogen, 24, of Sunderland said: “I was gutted when I heard it had been cancelled, so I decided to send this snap of me at last year’s event to cheer everyone up.”
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PUBIC CARE: Andrei shows off his fine ’ tache
EVER since he was a little boy, Andrei Parkov had dreamed of proudly sporting a moustache.
His father Dmitri – a fitter for the Soviet Air Force – had a hairy top lip that was the talk of Moscow’s Akademichesky district.
But as young Andrei moved from boyhood to adolescence, his dream of a big, luxuriant, bushy ’ tache remained tantalisingly out of reach.
Some downy fur he managed to sprout in his 18th year was blown away by a bitter Russian wind.
No hair was ever to sprout there again and despite festooning his flat with pictures of famous moustachioed men such as Magnum PI, Freddie Mercury and Josef Stalin, Andrei despaired of joining his idols.
But the crafty metal recycler – now 47 – today sports a ’ tache that is his pride and joy.
His secret?
Roadkill tramps. Every day, more than four dozen sozzled hobos are mown down on Moscow’s streets as they wander blindly into roaring traffic.
The messy cadavers are seldom cleaned up by city authorities and simply stepped over by busy Muscovites going about their humdrum activities.
Most end up feeding the city’s stray dogs.
But Andrei has found a use for the unloved itinerants.
He told Sunday Sport last night: “It came to me in a flash. I could make a moustache wig from the dead tramps’ pubic hair!
“I set about collecting what I needed using a pair of nail clippers.
“Some glue and – hey presto! as you say in the West.”
Andrei insisted that he thoroughly washes and delouses the pubic hair before sticking it to his face.
He said: “After all, I am not some kind of animal!”