I doner wanna have sex with a

EXCLUSIVE

FLASH BACK: Pearl and Linda are getting ’ em out again

OVERDID THE ALE: Jim had to go to A& E for the burns he got on his cock

WHEN booze- addled Jim Roper woke up with a burning sensation in his Johnson and his mum screaming blue murder at him, he knew something had gone wrong.

The IT technician had been out to celebrate the end of lockdown and admits he over- indulged.

But as he slowly opened his eyes he still had no idea why his 72- year- old mother was so angry with him... or why his cock was hurting so much.

Until he lifted his aching head from the kitchen table and looked down.

It was then that the hungover Geordie, who has lived alone with his mum since his dad died in 1982, saw he was naked from the waist down and his flaccid cock was resting in a doner kebab.

Shame- faced Jim, 44, said: “I was so happy to be back in the pub that

I may have overdone it.

Every round I bought, I got a whisky chaser.

“Before I left I downed two pints and I don’t remember much after that until I woke up to

Mummy bawling and calling me a pervert.

“When I looked down

I had my cock in the doner and had obviously been shagging it as it was covered in spunk.

“That’s when the pain hit. My old chap was blistered and red.

“I don’t know if it was the chilli or the heat that did the damage but it was so painful. Even after Mummy applied Savlon it was sore.

“I ended up at A& E where they said I had third- degree burns. I think I’ll give up booze.”

Jim’s mum, Heather, added: “I just couldn’t believe my eyes when I saw him balls- deep in a spunk- covered doner.

“I’d only come down to see why he hadn’t come up to bed – now that vision is seared into my memory.”