I’M THE NEW NORMAN

FORGET ‘THE NEW NORMAL’ FOLKS… Ex-perv says lockdown cured him of sniffing bike seats

A NEW MAN: Norman no longer sniffs the seats of bicycles

IT’S one of the expressions of 2020 – the not- at- all annoying phrase “The New Normal”.

The Chinese Death Plague has changed everything and has made the everyday out of the outlandish.

But for one man, lockdown has brought about a huge personal change – and he wants to shout it from the rooftops. Meet The New Norman!

For years, Norman Peterson was shunned by right- thinking folk in his home town of Leek, Staffs, due to his eccentric compulsions.

The retired swimming coach, 58, said: “I could not go past a row by bicycle seats without having a good old sniff.

“That has led to more than one difficult situation at Kidsgrove railway station, I can tell you.

“But I could not help myself.”

All that changed when Norman was forced to shield at the height of the contagion, thanks to a medical compliant which cannot be mentioned in a family newspaper.

Norman explained: “I could not go out, even to the shops, and that meant I could not sniff bike seats either.

“It was like going cold turkey. It was awful.”

But then Norman realised he was at last free of his bike sniffing obsession.

He said: “The virus may have sadly killed countless thousands and wrought economic devastation to the land but I’m no longer a bike seat sniffer.

“I’m a new man – the new Norman!”

However, not everyone is convinced.

One neighbour, who asked not to be named, said: “Cured? No way.

“I remember what happened when he applied to be a Scout leader. If that f** king weirdo comes near my kids, I’ll do time.”