JOHNNY DEPP SEX DWARF STOLE MY CAT
HOLLYWOOD star Johnny Depp has been in the spotlight over the past three weeks as he fights his libel battle at the High Court in London.
Depp, 57, is suing the Sun after it referred to him as a “wife beater” and his former missus is the newspaper’s star witness.
The celeb couple have traded accusations about the conduct of their lively, short- lived marriage, with claims of bed- shitting, bottle- hurling, drug taking and lesbian flirting being tossed around the courtroom.
But in sleepy Biddulph, Staffs, a smaller- scale Depp drama is unfolding involving the Pirates of the Caribbean star’s DWARF doppelganger. Fortune
Matty Stoate made a small fortune in the Noughties as a third- scale version of former heartthrob Depp.
And now he is accused of stealing a CAT!
Matty mixed with the great and the good and was even photographed with Sly Stallone on a Hollywood red carpet.
But the high life did big damage to the little fella and by 2012 he had moved to the Staffordshire Moorlands.
Neighbours say he “kept himself to himself” but it appears that lockdown reawakened his demons and he was spotted in Hanley buying “monkey dust” – the drug of choice for the discerning Potteries junkie.
To feed his sickening substance abuse, the fallen celeb has now had to resort to selling dwarf sex to Biddulph’s kinky set.
Now neighbour Pete Green claims that Stoate stole his cat, Hellebore, during a spaced- out session for “God knows what”.
Pete told Sunday Sport: “My mother always said to me, ‘ Never trust a dwarf or a cripple’ and I always scolded her for being so disabled- ist.
“But after that pint- sized Johnny Depp double stole my cat, I can see the wisdom in her words.
“I’ve tried contacting the authorities, but you try telling someone that a midget Johnny Depp double has stolen your cat. They thought I’D been on drugs! Hope
“Help me Sunday Sport, you’re my only hope!”
Matty Stoate refused to open the door at his specially- adapted bungalow and yelled through the letterbox: “F** k off, or I’ll set my alligator on you.”