AS UNIS ANNOUNCE COVID RESTRICTIONS FOR NEW TERM… Stop students from having sex? Good luck with that!
THE Dane King Canute, who reigned as King of England from 1016 to 1039 reputedly tried to hold back the tide with his regal authority.
Frankly, he had more chance of succeeding in his task than Britain’s vice- chancellors, who have announced a ban on SEX between students when term begins in a few weeks.
Universities in the UK will ban parties and overnight stays as part of social distancing guidelines amid the coronavirus pandemic.
Students could face FINES if they breach the public health measures by shagging each other senseless during freshers’ week.
As hundreds of students gear up for the event, the University of the West of England in Bristol said “unacceptable behaviour” could lead to students being fined.
A spokesperson for the uni said: “Given the seriousness of the threat posed by COVID- 19, we are committed to taking disciplinary
SAFETY FIRST: Posh Oxford University action against any student found to be in breach of the rules.
“Unacceptable behaviour may lead to fines being issued.”
Students at University College London and Cambridge have also been banned from having parties or staying overnight to have sex.
And in a statement, posh Oxford University said: “Ensuring the safety and well- being of all staff and students is paramount.”
To illustrate the folly of trying to stop students dissolving into a spunk- smeared mess of firm, writhing young bodies, we spoke to some students who got to uni before the Chinese death plague hit…
“MY older sister used to tell me about all the wild parties she had in her halls of residence, but I never believed her.
“So when I moved into halls last year to start my Politics degree I couldn’t wait to meet my flatmates and get the party started.
“I was in a six-person flat with two other girls and three boys, all aged between 18 and 20, and we hit it off straight away.
“We all moved in the Saturday before term started and decided that the best way to get to know each other was to get absolutely smashed together.
“So we invited the flat next door over, put on some music, and started doing shots. By about 11pm we were all merry and that’s when one of the lads suggested we play strip poker! “I’ve always been a bit of a show-off so I was more than happy to get my kit off in front of people.
But I’d never played before so it wasn’t long before I’d stripped down to my bra and pants.
“I didn’t mind though as I’d been giving the eye to one of the boys from next door all night and I found it such a big turn-on.
“After two games I was so horny that I forgot all about the night out and dragged the boy I fancied towards my room. But we barely made it out the door before he had me bent over and was shagging me against the wall.
“After that, strip poker became a bit of a ritual for us all and we carried on playing it every night before we went out!”
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