As self-driving motors set for green light in UK, a warning from across the pond… ‘ROBOT CAR MADE ME BITE MY MAN’S COCK OFF!’

NEWS that motorists could be allowed to let their cars drive themselves on UK motorways as early as next year, using automated technology, has thrilled tech heads.

Manufacturers will progress from providing alerts and driver assistance to taking control – and potentially responsibility – for speed and steering once under way.

But last night a warning note was sounded from the USA, where self- driving cars are already allowed in some states.

Safety campaigner Franklin Goole pointed to the sad case of Mike and Fiona Vanderbilt, who were involved in a self- drive car accident that led to Mike,

42, losing his COCK!

Franklin said: “Mike Vanderbilt fancied himself as a bit of a tech wizard and so fitted a home- made self- driving unit to his Toyota.

“Late in 2018, he was driving the vehicle with Fiona as a passenger on an interstate near their home in Boise, Idaho.

“Mike engaged the

‘ auto- pilot’ so he and his wife could ‘ fool around’.

“Unfortunately, as Fiona was performing an oral act on her husband, he knocked the auto- driving lever to the ‘ off’ position and the car crashed.

“Fiona’s teeth clamped down on his manhood, severing it completely.

“It took six hours of surgery to reattach it.

“After speaking to the

DRIVEN APART: Mike and Fiona. LEFT: Franklin Goole

couple, I can confirm that the unit failed to work properly in damp weather.”

Last night, now- divorced Fiona said: “The stress of the accident and the subsequent difficulties with Mike’s organ led to our split.

“We’d still be together if that robot car had not made me bite my man’s cock off.

“And if Mike had not been an inept inventor.”

Franklin concluded: “We dabble with space- age tech at our peril.”