HANCOCK’S HALF HOUR OF WILLY JOKE HELL
COVID CLOWN MATT MOCKED BY MATES IN CABINET
TORY- MENTORS: (
HE has the peevish face of a small town building society manager who turns down people’s mortgage applications for fun.
He has the spiteful sort of mouth found on engineering firm bosses who suspect their wife is having it away with the personal trainer.
And he’s the man whose bad- tempered mishandling of the coronacrisis has made him one of Britain’s most unpopular politicians.
But it’s not just the public who hate Matt Hancock – his Cabinet colleagues hold him in ill- disguised contempt, too.
Insiders say ministers mutter the words “Matt WANK- COCK” while he’s speaking in Cabinet meetings.
And his No. 1 tormentor, according to reports, is no other than PM Boris Johnson.
Our highly- placed source said: “Matt has that unfortunate manner that invites mockery and the PM is never one to turn down an invitation like that.
Apocalyptic
“When Matt is revealing his latest apocalyptic projections of death if, say, people gather in groups of more than six, the PM puts a hand over his mouth, and sort of coughs the words, ‘ Matt Wank- Cock’.
“That inevitably sets off Priti Patel, who is a terrible giggler and more than once Rishi Sunak has had to gently kick her under the table for fear that he’ll start sniggering, too.
“Michael Gove is a bugger for muttering ‘ wank- cock’ under his breath during Matt’s briefings, too. But he can sort of throw his voice, so Matt can never pin it on him.”
The latest bout of mockery came when Mr Hancock came up with his “Rule of Six”, saying the new rules were “necessary for the public health of the nation” and managed to win the support of the increasingly-embattled PM.