I bought 7,000 pumpkins for Halloween – now I’ll just have to BONK them all!
BRIAN Harlow thought he was onto a winner when a man in a pub offered to sell him 7,000 pumpkins.
Having watched the growing Americanisation of All Hallows Eve and the consequent growth in sales of the north American gourd, Brian shelled out a cool £ 2,000 for the consignment.
The 45- year- old said:
“It struck me that even if I sold them for a quid each, undercutting Tesco, I would more than double my money.
“I was onto a clear winner.”
But then single Brian read with dismay that trick or treating and Halloween parties were banned as his home town of Rotherham, South Yorks, was placed under strict Tier 3 restrictions.
He groaned last night: “With people banned from going out apart from for essentials, I’m stuffed.
“The pubs are closed so
I can’t flog them in the boozers and I can’t sell them door to door or I might get lynched.”
Undeterred, Brian has decided to make use of the pumpkin pile, currently stored in his garage, in another unusual way.
He said: “I’ve decided to become the first man in Rotherham to have sex with 7,000 pumpkins!
“I’ve been on to the local paper and TV and they said they would get back to me… I’ll be famous!
“I’ve also emailed the Guinness Book of Records because I’m sure they’d be dead interested.”
Winkle
Brian said he’ll start his pumpkin sex marathon on Tuesday, adding: “I just need to find a drill bit the same girth as my winkle, then I’ll be away.
“I’ll be the most famous man in all of Rotherham!”