Slip me your sausage, Phil, and I’ll CURE YOUR GAYNESS
LADY IN HIS YOUTH, IRIS, 65, TELLS HIM…
RECENTLY gay Phillip Schofield shocked his fans by admitting he once slipped his length to an older lady when he was a teenager!
The 58- year- old telly star said he was still exploring his sexuality when he pulled a cougar as a teen – who taught him all about shagging.
The This Morning host said: “I was seeing an older lady in Swiss Cottage called Madeline who was fascinating. I felt like I was in The Graduate – an older lady and an 18- year- old… she taught me things.”
Despite this experience, earlier this year the best friend of Gordon the Gopher revealed he preferred the cock to the minge.
However, now Iris Poulton says Phil is out of order for ditching his wife of 27 years and reckons she knows just how to help out.
Bumhole
The 65- year- old said she is willing to let the silver fox up her grey- haired minge – or bumhole – to help wean him off being a gay.
The retired butcher, from Newcastle, said: “Don’t get me wrong, I am not against the gays.
“But I am a family woman and I think that even if Phil does like to stick his wee stick up another bloke’s bottom it’s no excuse for walking out on his family.
“I know everyone says it’s dead brave that he has come out as a gay but I think a man should stick by his wife, no matter what.
“My Gerald, God rest his soul, was a massive fan of musicals, soft furnishings and leather chaps. If I’m honest, he probably was a bit gay.
“But he didn’t run off and start spouting on about his love of the cock on the telly.
“We didn’t talk about such things in my day. Instead I let him do me up the wrong ’ un every Saturday night and even bought him a Tom Selleck calendar for Christmas each year.
“That was enough for him, and he stood by me until the day he threw himself off a car park 30 years ago.
“That’s why I’m giving Phil the chance of slipping his cock up me – I can cure his gayness and he can go back to his family.
“And it’s up to him which hole – front or back, I don’t mind, but I think once I remind him of what it’s like to be up an older woman again it may put him back on the right path.”