TRUMP’S NOT A SAD MAN …HE’S A NAPPY MAN!
Losing President wears special pants because he shits himself when angry
BEATEN Donald Trump is so angry about Joe Biden defeating him in the U. S. presidential election that he loses control of his BOWELS in volcanic temper tantrums.
And to save the orangefaced Republican’s blushes, a White House seamstress has made Trump, 74, some adult nappies to contain his “watery” rectal explosions.
In an election that was closer than anticipated, big mouth Donald was beaten by his doddery and forgetful Democratic rival after days of delay.
While most world leaders – including the sly Chinese – have acclaimed Biden as the next president, Trump refuses to concede defeat.
And frustration about what he believes is the election being “stolen” has robbed him of control of his backside.
A nose- holding White House source said: “We had been warned by staff on his TV show The Apprentice, that Mr Trump was prone to soiling himself if he could not get his own way.
Floodgates
“Mercifully, we saw very little of that in the last four years but then he always got his own way – because he is President of the United States.
“But the electorate are the only ones who can say ‘ no’ to him. And when they said ‘ no more’ to his particular brand of madness, the floodgates of his irregular anus opened.
“But at the end of the day, he is still President until
January and it is bad for the image of the United States if its leader wears shitty kecks.
“So the White
House seamstress made him some big boy nappies that keep in the worst of the waste – and the smell.”
It’s believed a luckless Secret Service agent has been tasked with disposing of the soiled pants in the White House incinerator.
A source said: “It’s the same incinerator where JFK had his bodyguards dispose of the bodies of women he’d killed during kinky sex gone wrong.
“Oh, you didn’t know about that? Best not repeat it. It may be a secret.”