LOON SELLS COVID VACCINE MADE FROM HIS WEE
WARNING: DO NOT BUY FROM THIS MAN
IT seems too good to be true…
A vaccine for COVID- 19 being handed out for just ONE POUND on the streets of Newcastle upon Tyne.
And unlike the treatment unveiled by Pfizer and BioNTech last week, this vaccine doesn’t even need injecting – it comes in a handy shot glass.
Alas, the tonic being touted by unsteady Malcom Rufus last week will NOT, ward off coronavirus.
Because, unlike the groundbreaking Pfizer vaccine – which uses space- age Frankenstein genetic technology – Rufus’s concoction is an abominable mixture of
SPITTLE, his own URINE and cheap cider.
When Sunday Sport caught up with Rufus last week, he was doing a roaring trade with worried Tynesiders gulping down his tincture.
Growling
The former window cleaner’s pockets appeared to be weighed down with pound coins, handed over by citizens keen to dodge the plague.
The 50- year- old was yelping: “Vaccine – a poond! Nee jabs, nee fuss, nee bother”.
When we confronted him, Rufus rasped: “Look here, see, f** k off or I’ll set me dog on you.”
Sure enough, a growling cur was standing beside the conman.
Last night Professor David Curtis of the University of West Lancs, said: “The survival rate from COVID is something approaching 99.5%.
“I would suggest that the survival rate from drinking a semi- vagrant’s spittle and urine is rather less than that.
“Whatever, this mixture will almost certainly provide no protection from COVID and should be avoided.”
Our dossier is available to the police.