‘A normal edition and he’d have been fine’
BILL NEEDS BIONIC ARSE AFTER STUFFING XMAS RADIO TIMES UP BUM
FUN- LOVING Bill Door had to spend Christmas in hospital after he broke his arsehole by shoving a rolled- up copy of the bumper festive Radio
up his backside.
The 64- year- old was taking part in a socially- distanced Zoom family party game of charades on Christmas Day when he was given a forfeit after no- one managed to guess his mime of This Morning.
While other family members had to do things like down a shot of tequila or eat a spoonful of chilli sauce, Bill’s 18- year- old nephew Liam decided his fate.
And he told the lollipop man from Cleckheaton, West Yorks, to stick his Xmas Radio Times up his bum.
Liam got a severe telling off from his mum but eager to please, bachelor Bill, who lived with his own mother until her death in 2017, didn’t want to disappoint.
So while the rest of the family moved on to the next round Bill set to work.
Then, 20 minutes later, after using copious amounts of Crisp ‘ N’ Dry as lube, he announced to his family: “I’ve done it.”
He then passed out from the pain of what was later discovered to be a bust sphincter.
His sister Anne called for an ambulance and
Bill was rushed to hospital but it was too late sto save his wrecked ringpiece.
Bill received a temporary experimental bionic arsehole which he controls via an implanted remote control on his arm.
Speaking two days after being released from hospital he said: “I guess I was unlucky.
“The doctor told me if had been a normal edition of the Radio Times I would have been fine.
HARD TIMES: Bill bust his arse with mag
“But I had to go and shove a bumper Christmas edition up my backside, didn’t I?”
But he is now loving his stateofthe- art backside saying: “There’s not that many people in Cleckheaton with a space age bumhole!
“Happen, I’ll be famous.”