PLUS: OUR WORLD FAMOUS AGONY COLUMN

MY fiancée pestered me for months to get married on her birthday last week. But I refused, because I am having an affair with her mum.

The girlfriend is 22 and the mum is 41 – and she is a cracker. She split with her husband just after my girlfriend was born and she has been on her own ever since.

She has many male friends but says she just wants sex, not a relationship.

We have it in all different positions and she likes licking my manhood after it has been up her chuff.

Her horny mother wants me to marry her daughter – but also wants me to carry on shagging her.

Do you think I can sustain such a relationship?

Dear Lexi,

NO. This is a recipe for disaster. Dump one or the other – but ideally both.

I AM a builder and have recently been working on some new flats. Every lunch I go for a pie and chips at a nearby chippy.

The girl in there is quite fit and I decided to chance my arm and ask her out. She scrapes her hair back, but I imagined she’d look quite good with it down. She agreed to go out with me and we went to the pub. I was right. She had her blonde hair down and looked fit.

We went back to her flat which she shares with two other girls. I had sex with loads of times and she also gave me an fine blowjob.

The next day I went to the chippy and she led me to the back room. She smiled, unzipped me, dipped her hand in the batter mix and then wanked me off. She has since told me that she and her two flat mates want to shag me. I’m daunted. Any tips?

MN, Derby

I suppose we have been a bit obsessed with food lately!

Yeah. Speaking of which, your cock reminds me of a sausage. I’m gonna have some in a butty later…