I did a SHIT Johnson’s TRAINER …and I’d do it again tomorrow in Boris
DRIVEN half- mad by Byzantine and everchanging Government lockdown rules, gran Betty Watson spotted her chance for revenge when Boris Johnson briefly sat on a London park bench during a morning run.
Betty, 75, said: “I’d read about people being thrown into jail and beaten senseless by the COVID Gestapo for sitting on park benches and when I saw the PM doing the same, I saw red!”
She added: “He had stopped to take a phone call and from what he was saying ‘ Blah, blah, blah… won’t happen again… sorry dear… I’ll do it later’, I guessed it was from his fiancée Carrie Symonds.
“Boris took his trainer off to massage his foot and put it on the bench next to him.
“He was so engrossed with the call that I was able to dash up, pinch his shoe, do a little plop in it and put it back.
“As I made good my escape, I passed the PM’s protection officer. He gave me a little wink and chuckled, ‘ My, my, my! They’re going to laugh at this down the station!’
“I’m a law- abiding person but the PM is acting like a tyrant, a very incompetent tyrant.
“My dear mother, who was at the Battle of Cable Street in the Thirties, always said, ‘ It is the duty of every free- born English person to shit in tyrants’ shoes.’ And I’d do it again, too!”
Alas, Betty did not see Boris put the be- shitted trainer back on as she had to dash off for a bus.
TOUGH CALL? Fiancée Carrie
Last night a Downing Street source said the PM was “fully protected” against “sports shoe defecation attacks”.
Boris also landed in the shit last week when he was panned for travelling seven miles from Downing Street to go cycling in Olympic Park during lockdown.