SUNDAY SPORT EXCLUSIVE
CAN you believe it’s now more than 20 YEARS since the then boss of the BBC, Greg Dyke, described the Corporation as “hideously white”.
Little did the man who brought us Roland Rat realise what an effect his bombshell words would have.
Thanks to Dyke, a council spent a whopping ONE MILLIONS POUNDS of ratepayers’ money replacing its “hideously white” bog paper in municipal shitters with a more ethnically- diverse BROWN tissue.
The council, which an injunction BARS us from naming, made the move after the European Forum of New Ideas slammed white toilet paper as “inherently racist”.
The shadowy Forum, funded by the EU, last year launched its “Crusade Against Whiteness” in what it called a “concerted attack on subliminal racism in the public arena”.
Its director Anders Van Der Modig tromboned: “Our aim is a world where the word ‘ white’ is erased forever.
“Instead of ‘ white’ people we will say ‘ of no colour’. By restructuring our language and our thinking we will purge ethno- European people of the racism that runs through all our veins.”
They produced a paper last summer stating that “public expressions of whiteness, especially in the state sector are like a boot on the throat of our coloured brethren.”
The racist expression “coloured brethren” was hastily removed from later editions of the document and a mis- translation from the original Dutch was blamed.
The document was circulated to all UK councils, leading to our unnamed local authority burning all their white loo roll and replacing it with brown, at huge expense.
Terry Furey, of the Taxpayers’ Value League, fumed: “It makes my blood boil! Not to be too scatological but what use is brown arsewipe?”
GILL and Graham say that the lockdown has caused their love life to get much BETTER.
Gill said: “We both work in the hospitality industry so have spent a long time on furlough over the last year.
“So we basically had months at a time off work with not a lot to do.
“And we ended up using our time to have sex!
“Although for the first month we barely shagged at all – we were so nervous and worried about what would happen to us.
“We then got used to things and didn’t have much to do to fill our day so we started shagging to while away time.
“At first just doing it in the daytime every day was pretty unique – and very hot.
“But soon we really started to experiment with different fantasies.
“I have now found out I love being tied up and spanked which I had no idea I liked before.
“I get so wet when Graham spreads my legs and ties me face- down to the bed and starts to slap my bum.
“Then he fingers me and brings me to a screaming orgasm.
“I would never have found out that I liked that if I hadn’t had the time to explore my sexuality with Graham.
“And we are going to keep on experimenting, too.
“We’ve been looking at getting me some latex outfits to wear next.
“And I can’t wait.”