Sickly Starmer can SWALLOW my PISS!
AS LABOUR BOSS GOES DOWN WITH COVID FOR THE SIXTH TIME…
LABOUR leader Keir Starmer missed Prime Ministers’ Questions again last week after getting COVID for a staggering SIXTH time.
Now a semi- retired gas fitter has stepped in to save plagueridden Sir Keir from recurring bouts of the Chinese contagion… with a bottle of PISS!
As we reported last year, 62- year- old Tony Watkins fought off TWO bouts of the Asiatic bat bug by drinking his own urine.
Socialism
Last week he contacted Labour bigwigs to offer his miracle wee to Sir Keir.
Tony, of Biddulph, Staffs, said: “I believe it is my duty to democracy to help the Leader of the Opposition fulfil his constitutional role and, as such, I’ll let him have a bottle of my wee.
“A couple of glasses of that and he’ll be right back to his traditional role of agreeing with anything that the government says and carefully steering the Labour Party clear of anything close to socialism.”
Tony said he got the idea of drinking his own urine from his grandmother who fought off bouts of warts, staggers, ague and melancholy with the remedy during the Great Depression in the Thirties.
He explained: “There’s a lot to be said for traditional cures, never mind all these so- called vaccines which are made out of monkey’s arseholes and contain high- tech nanobots which let that Amazon bloke control your legs, or something.”
Tony added that Sir Keir would have to arrange transit for the wee to be sent from Biddulph to London as the Royal Mail forbids putting piddle in the post.
Tony’s offer could not have come too soon for sickly Sir Keir whose absence at PMQs last week allowed his openly ambitious deputy Angela Rayner to steal the limelight.
Flame- haired Ange delivered another true barnstorming show at the Despatch Box, in turn hammering and FLIRTING with grinning Mr Johnson who seemed to enjoy it.
Throbbing
Reports that Ms Rayner’s tour de force left the PM with a “raging boner” were denied by Downing Street insiders.
But Westminster watchers noticed that the PM tried to rush away after Question Time and had to be ordered back to his seat by the Speaker.
A Downing Street insider said: “Gossip that the PM was making for the bogs to bash his throbbing erection into submission are, I’m afraid, rather fanciful.”