‘Abroad’ is over-rated. Why bother?

IT’S a few years since I’ve travelled anywhere by plane.

And looking at the scenes at Manchester Airport last week, it will be a long time before you get me anywhere near a plane again.

Because, even without the current mayhem, travelling by plane is the most unpleasant experience you can undergo, short of back- street openheart surgery.

I detest EVERYTHING about flying, apart from the actual flying.

It starts with the inevitable delays on the motorway on your way to the airport, which sends your blood pressure rocketing before you’re even within ten miles of the terminal.

Then you get locked into a maze of one- way systems and barriers as you try and find the correct car park – all the while with a minicab behind you, three inches from your bumper, driven by a wildly- cursing fugitive from the War Crimes Tribunal.

Then you have the mile- long check- in queue which moves slower than most glaciers.

That, of course, is just the appetiser before the seven- milelong queue for security during which you have to strip naked and have your genitals examined by a psychopathic lout in a lanyard.

Then you have to fight to the death to retrieve your things as they spew out of the x- ray machine and hop around trying to put your shoes/ belt/ wooden leg back on.

Next is the four- hour wait, paying £ 40 for a cup of tea and a stale muffin, more queues then three hours crammed in a metal tube between a drunken hen party from Barnsley and a group of Salford young offenders.

At the other end, yet more queues – only this time in tropical heat – and added excitement of border guards setting their pit bulls on you.

And you go through it all again on the way home!

It’s hateful, hateful, hateful… From the c** tish family in matching shell suits to the halfwits who stand up ready to disembark the second the plane’s rear wheels touch the runway.

I’m a pretty relaxed bloke in real life. Live and let live, that sort of shit. But put me on an airliner and I instantly despise everyone else on board.

Now, thanks to a combination of COVID and airport authorities trying to cut corners, flying is worse than ever.

No wonder so many people get utterly shitfaced to fly. It’s the only way to bear the agonies of the ordeal. Travelling by boat is no better. From what I’ve seen, ferries are merely tin baths full of vomit and loudmouthed c** ts who read the Daily Mirror, taking advantage of the paper’s ‘ Sail to France For a Pound’ offer.

With the added joy of illegal immigrants trying to hide in your cars to get through passport control.

“Abroad” is not all it’s cracked up to be anyway and certainly not worth the anguish of getting there.