I’m marrying my HEDGEHOG …and YES, we have a full and active sex life!
WATCHING the ongoing debates about sexuality and gender identity, John Stoate made a brave and bold decision…
By asking his HEDGEHOG companion to MARRY him!
School crossing attendant John beamed last night: “And she said yes!”
Now John, 67, says he’s the happiest man in Biddulph, Staffs.
Former swimming instructor John said: “I first clapped eyes on Hettie at a car boot sale in Leek and it was love at first sight.
“The man selling her said she was a ‘ garden ornament’ he bought for a bit of fun. I bit my tongue because I knew Hettie identified as a real hedgehog.
“I took her home and gave her a slap- up meal of cat food. The traditional meal of bread and milk is actually very bad for hedgehogs, you know. She didn’t eat any but I understood that.
“She was obviously overcome by the same storm of emotions that I was.”
John said that for fear of overwhelming his new companion, it was “months” before he professed his love but once he did, that was it.
He recalled: “Hettie told me she felt the same and it was like a dam had burst. Before we knew it, we were both stark naked and our love became physical that day.”
But having being brought up a strict Methodist, John was uncomfortable about “living in sin”.
He said: “I wanted to make an honest hedgehog out of Hettie so we went to see the vicar to ask to be married. He mentioned something about the community psychiatric nurse.
Extremists
“That hurt but I knew we were not the first couple whose love had been frowned on by society.”
Eventually, John found a New Age celebrant in Congleton who agreed to perform a wedding ceremony.
He said: “The union will not be recognised by law but will be recognised in our hearts – that’s what is important.”
Last night a neighbour, who asked not to be identified for fear of reprisals by hedgehog sex extremists, said: “It’s not right, what he does in his garden.
“I’ve complained to the council but they just don’t want to know. The world’s gone mad.”