WHAT DO YOU think of
CHEERING ON THE LIONESSES?
OF course I will! And you’ll be able to hear my roar from 20 miles way.
But unlike some of the Johnny- come- Latelies, I’ve long been championing the England Women’s team, and I know I’m not alone.
Those tight tops and snug shorts, those knee- length socks and sweaty ponytails bobbing up and down. The gentle swell of their boobs when they score and then hug and kiss each other…
Grant Snout, Hackney
WHEN I wake up on Sunday morning, the first thing I’ll do is leap out of bed, stand to attention, and sing the National Anthem.
Then I’ll slip into my fake bear- skinned guard uniform and march around the garden for an hour, shouting: “Luuurrrffft!” and saluting to myself when I reach the corners.
After that I’ll change back into my normal clothes, fetch a light lunch of sandwiches, crisps, and a can of Tennent’s, switch on the telly, and then sit back in my recliner and enjoy an athletic pre- match wank.
Mick Orange, St Ives
CAN you see this stick? With the end chiselled down into a sharp, evil- looking tip, all varnished? Yes?
Well, that stick will be going right up my own piles- angry arsehole with extreme self- inflicted violence before I watch a f** king England team play football, even if it is only the women’s.
No, I’ll be dressed up in my Braveheart gear, slavishly believing any old bullshit Nicola Sturgeon comes out with today, just like always, or reading a Broons annual. They’ll never take me alive!
Scottie McNougat, Uddingston
THERE was a fascinating debate on the radio the other day about whether or not we should be calling our girls “Lions” instead of “Lionesses”.
This was started by the identity politics nutters who can’t seem to understand the difference between the men’s team and the women’s, and I think I need to help them out.
The members of the men’s team all have fat cocks and big, hairy ballls while the women’s team players all have lovely tits and hidden fannies. There you go. Glad to be of assistance.
Martin Chopstick, Wetherby
IT seems a shame that women are being encouraged to take part in such a misogynistic sport that will inevitably invoke times of war and conflict between nation states.
It would be far better if we encouraged females to take up sports more suited to them, like synchronised swimming, gymnastics and beach volleyball, just for instance.
Watching a poor Lioness lose flesh from a shin after a scraping tackle is one thing. But it’s quite another to get a bonus glimpse of meaty snatch when they’re flick- flacking over a gym mat.