All councils are confederations of utter c**ts!

I’M not a big fan of cities but Manchester has a special place in my heart.

Most of my working life has been spent there and there is nowhere – absolutely nowhere – that is better for after- dark mischief.

Believe me, I had so much fun in Manchester over the years, it almost killed me stone dead.

But there are parts of the place that need a bit of a polish.

Well, a f** king nuclear- powered hosing down, to be honest.

While once- grimy Ancoats, where your Sunday Sport used to be based, has become hipster and gentrified, the city centre has turned into a cesspit.

And most of the shit has settled in Piccadilly Gardens.

Junkies

Once it was just that, a gardens area in the middle of the city, with well- tended flower beds and benches for shoppers and workers on their dinner break to relax.

But the council “improved” it and, as usual, that means it has gone to shit.

Walk through Piccadilly Gardens now and you have to step over heaps of junkies in Spice- induced comas.

Gangs of Somalis are doing their best to recreate downtown Mogadishu in its Black Hawk Down heyday and the fountains are where the tramps rinse their scabby bellends.

In short: it’s not nice.

So, the authorities have decided to act.

And what are they doing? Cleansing it with bulldozers and flame- throwers?

Nope.

They’re banning smoking.

If you asked 100 Mancunians: “What shall we do about Piccadilly Gardens?”, I doubt many more than, say, ZERO would have said “ban smoking”.

But we are dealing with councils here and, as I have said many, many times in this column over the last 20 years or so, councils are confederations of utter c** ts.

If dogshit is a problem, what does a council do? Pick it up?

Shitshow

No, they spray it pink. Flytipping a concern in the leafier areas of the parish? Does the council enforce the laws that are already in place?

No, they make it more difficult to use the local tip.

Local people concerned about rising council tax bills? Do they trim their sails?

Nope, they employ 47 new diversity officers and hoist a tranny pride flag above the Town Hall – while selling the last bit of green space in the borough to a developer who just happens to go to the same f** king golf club as the deputy mayor.

All eyes have been on the shitshow at Westminster recently, thanks to Boris and his Tory mates repeatedly shooting themselves and each other in the foot.

But if you want a demonstration of corruption, incompetence and downright contempt for the paying public, just look at your local Town Hall.