Water bunch of total c**ts

AS I get older and grumpier, the occasions where I’m driven to shout “OH F** K OFF!” grow more frequent and closer together.

In recent days, one body of people has been oh- f** k- offed more than most.

The water companies.

As it happens, I’m lucky enough to live in the rain- sodden north where hosepipe bans are not on our cloudy horizon.

In fact, while I have a hosepipe, I don’t have an outside tap so a ban would have no effect on me anyway.

And yet, these water company bastards annoy the living f** k out of me.

Because, to put it bluntly, they are c** ts.

Useless, greedy, incompetent, lazy C** TS.

In 1989, the old water boards were privatised.

The new owners got – at a knockdown price – millions of miles of pipes and sewers along with countless reservoirs and pumping stations.

All they had to do was:

A: Catch the stuff that falls from the f** king sky and put it in the pipes

B: Filter out the shit from the stuff in the sewers

And the greedy, useless shithouses can’t even do that. Sorry, WON’T do that.

To boost their profits, they’ve ignored repairing leaks in pipes so that millions of gallons of fresh water leak away.

And if there’s too much shit in a sewer?

“Ah, f** k it, just bung it straight in a river.”

And now they want people living in hosepipe ban areas to RAT on neighbours who water their gardens.

The f** king cheeky C** TS!

Not only are they too greedy and too lazy to provide a proper service, they want the British public to turn on each other.

Look, water bosses, if you want to find people using hosepipes, employ some inspectors to go around having a snoop.

But you won’t do that, will you? Because that costs money and may dent your beloved profits.

Now, regular readers will know I am far from being a lefty.

But the activities of some of our privatised industries make a Commie uprising in this country more likely by the day.

There is only so much taking the piss they can get away with.

When bosses pay themselves megabucks for failing to deliver a basic service, then ask the public to sneak on each other, something has gone very, very wrong.

And while I’m on the subject, if you snitch on a neighbour for watering their garden, you deserve an eternity in hell.

If you honestly think someone hosing down their lettuces is a bigger villain than millionaires who dump shit into England’s rivers, then shame on your damned soul.